Poly will make him happy..but me insane!

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Poly will make him happy..but me insane!

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Poly will make him happy..but me insane!

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Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 11:35:46 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

So, in response to what so many have said and experience, what do you do when you love and are so devoted to someone...but they want poly and you aren't comfortable?

We're talking about ethical cases in which the sub FULLY KNOWS that the dom desires/intends to be poly and wants to try and make that happen.

This is similar to the "Why go poly?" thread but more focused on advice and support for those "making the transition."

Why do you choose to get involved in this situation? What is it about poly that you are having difficulty with? What has the dom said?

Post #: 1

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 11:55:44 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Like i mentioned on the other thread.... my Master is not really "poly" yet He does not rule it out either. It does seem to me, however, that it may be something He will eventually look into. Like many slaves, i only want to make Master happy and my pleasure truly comes from His, that's honestly when i am happiest...but....and it's a BIG but...i don't see myself ever being able to handle anything like that. i thought of myself as not being the jealous type, but lately i have come to realize i am most definately jealous.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 2

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 2:15:56 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I have to say it again, I know it's been said a thousand times... you are either wired for poly or you are not. There is no "Lets just try it and maybe you'll get used to it", that doesn't work. I know that you post here all the time, I know you are intelligent and read everything thoroughly before posting to it and if it still makes no sense to you, if you are still totally and completely uncomfortable with it then you are most likely just not wired for it and no amount of coaxing and sugar coating is gonna help it go down any better. Your Owner needs to understand this about you and respect you for it because it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to stand up tell someone that you are sorry, that you love them with your whole heart and soul and that is something that you just cannot do.

Of course this is only my opinion. But you know how I personally feel about poly and to me this is as natural as breathing. From the other side of the coin, I have problems understanding what there is about poly that others don't get...lol

These threads in this forum have taught me an amazing amount... six months ago you couldn't have convinced me that some people were just not cut out for it, that the only reason they had for not trying it was insecurities and jealousy. I know better now, I don't know what it is that is different in people that can't do poly any more then I could explain the differences between people that love spinach and those that hate it.

Jewel

_____________________________

ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 3:42:17 PM

sexysubbunny

Posts: 144
Status: offline

in response to the posts on this section! i had a horrible experience being in a poly 3 way, spent 5 mo with my wonderful master whom, he and i became exremely sensual and spent alot of time togther at the very beginning.! the alpha sub from the beginning was very jealous and extremely threatened by me and what i shared with master and arguments became bout for ploys for his affection and mroe time from the other sub....things got worse for me and i was gamed and "Provoked" at just the right times! it was frustrating and a real challenge.
i had never been in a poly and i did feel a bit envious at first of just the status she carried! i knew i would not be there, she had met him first and was his alpha, i accepted that and was willing to share him! that was not the issue! her obsessive jealousy towards me with Master became unbearable for me and my buttons got pushed and i ended up ragging all over Master and i decided to up and walk away from him just a few wks ago.. i was tired and i was drained emotionally!
she got was she intended to do........to get ME away from him!
this person is a very obsessive sub and i believe would do anything to get 'anyone' away from him!
but Master makes the choices, but in time the eyes will open and see the real truth......as it will continue on and the same roll will take place over again when each new sub that he gets!
i have walked away proudly but with a broken heart, for a man that i cared very deeply for...........but i have decided that being poly is not the most pleasurable situation to be in, 'especially' when you have an extremely jealous individual who will not give up at doing what they feel is necessarey to keep claws out of her Master!
sad, very sad!!
but oh so true!
all you can do is try it and if it don't work, you have the option to leave and walk away as i did before you get yourself to involved !
i am hurting very deeply to be with my Master, but only time will tell what really will happen and i do believe that "absense" does make the heart grow fonder and he will eventually miss me very much!
Our relationship was very specail and sensual!

thank you!!

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)

Post #: 4

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 5:25:32 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Just out of curiousity....how many times are you going to post this sob story and then delete it? I think I've read it five or six times now in different places and then when you get a couple of responses to it, you delete it.

Not that you asked for it, but a piece of advice....they have, it seems, moved on...why don't you? It is clear from your posts that you are not interested in a poly relationship, but would be very happy to break up an established relationship so that the alpha gets dumped and you get the Master. Honestly....why in the world would you wish to be owned by someone who would so easily set aside their alpha anyway? Is it some kind of challenge or something?

I fully understand that not everyone wants a poly relationship and you say yourself that it was a bad experience for you. Why not chalk it up to experience instead of trying to break up their relationship or at the very least make them miserable? I've read your posts, and I 've read the alpha's posts, which were amazingly restrained under the circumstances. Someone is definately being eaten up with jealousy here, but it hardly seems to be her.

After the spectacle you have made, I can't imagine they would invite you back into the family fold any time soon. Best of luck in the future and if you would like a list of kink aware professionals...there is one floating around here somewhere. Perhaps it would help you to be able to discuss these issues with a professional.

best regards,
fate

(in reply to sexysubbunny)

Post #: 5

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 6:25:50 PM

sexysubbunny

Posts: 144
Status: offline

excuse me for being you being quite rude!
i am not deleting this post!
this post states the real facts and its sad to say that some people get away with provoking other people to the point of having to walk away!
I am glad that i did! this situation was a losing one from the very beginning, no matter if it was me or anyone else!
the past will repeat it self agian with this sub!
i have moved on and happily!
no challenge here at all, just the plain Facts as they really happened!
i am not trying to break up there relationship but i dont agree with how she did me and pushed me away with her games! she knows that i am right and that Master is not the the person he seems to come accross as!
Please dont give me any of your comdemnations as you don't honestly know the whole situation!
there has been No spectacle made of myself but the truth and whoever reads this, its their own opinion as to what they see or feel!
we all have our opinions!
i am a professonal who is absolutley intune with reality!
i dont need to waste my money on the facts that have been stated on here!
This site is filled with phoney and fake people just out to put others down, but not me!
Dont make judgements unless you know that whole truth!
thank you for your words of wisdom and wishing you the best of luck in your endevours too!

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 6

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/30/2005 8:43:39 PM

dscouplenm

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/16/2005
Status: offline

To anyone who might be uncomfortable with their master/dom/mate wanting a poly relationship...

I've been in 2 poly relationships, and that's it. But in both of them, there's been the utmost amount of respect and communication between ALL parties.

The relationship I'm in now involves my sire, who realized in being with me, that he'd like to pursue poly lifestyles. The biggest reason I'm okay with it, is that he is honest with me, he lets me have free communication with the other girls, and he hasn't ended up actually long-term dating any or sleeping with any yet. It took a while to hear him actually admit to it, but it's more the chase that he enjoys...I wouldn't have been able to tell him I'd prefer he didn't sleep with other girls, but in giving him that faith, I figured out he's not wanting that so much anyway.

I guess it's a decision in oneself for how much they're willing to put up with for the other's happiness. I've set him up with girls I thought would be a good match for him...because he never makes me feel any less important.

I hope this helps someone.

(in reply to sexysubbunny)

Post #: 7

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/31/2005 11:37:36 AM

Clynn911

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

greetings...

Edited, flaming.

< Message edited by ModeratorEight -- 3/31/2005 7:35:51 PM >

_____________________________

***When the uniform comes off submission begins***

(in reply to dscouplenm)

Post #: 8

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/31/2005 12:03:48 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I don't really see a need for THIS post either, it's perpetuating the smearing on both sides and looks, to me, like a passive-aggressive deliberate poke to bunny.

I'm not a moderator but...let's all move on and stick with the topic itself? Personal drama left at the login.

(in reply to Clynn911)

Post #: 9

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/31/2005 3:57:00 PM

sexysubbunny

Posts: 144
Status: offline

thank you Emerald,
you have a keen sense for truth and honesty as i do in life!
i dont want any more of this either, i am not a hateful, hurtful person, i just like the truth and honesty as it really was!
people will believe what they want and i am ok with that, i have a "clear" conscious when it comes to this poly affair i was in..
Fate and karma will hold its own!!
i am happy that i left him and he is still wanting to be friends, but i dont Want to be!
i have totally ended it with him and wish them all the best of luck and happy endevours !!

Enough already!!
wishing everyone a happy and joyful "submissive" day!!

PS: thanks again Emerald for your sweetness!

I rest my case!! Smiling........ :)

Edited, flaming

< Message edited by ModeratorEight -- 3/31/2005 7:38:12 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/31/2005 4:21:07 PM

LuvSponge

Posts: 103
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline

(I'm heading to the dictionary department at Barnes and Noble pronto)

_____________________________

No matter if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.

(Unless of course she tells you otherwise).

(in reply to sexysubbunny)

Post #: 11

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 3/31/2005 7:41:06 PM

ModeratorEight

Posts: 62
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

Enough indeed. Please keep your personal issues out of the forums.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 12

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 2:47:38 AM

Emmmrld

Posts: 55
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: Las Vegas, Nevada
Status: offline

I really do not think that a relationship will be successful if you start out with polar opposite views on relationships.

If you have not tried poly, then I would suggest finding boards like this to gain a support structure and try it. You don't know until you've tried. Poly may be for you.

At the same time, if you have tried poly in the past and it has not worked you should stop and ask yourself these questions.

What makes you think you are not poly?
Why did it not work?
Did my partner and I communicate and define what poly means to each of us?
Did we discuss comfort levels and any methods to communicate?
Were there any trust issues in the relationship?
Were "rules" discussed? If so, were they adhered too?
Are you allowing your past experiences to stop you from experiencing something in the now/future? If so, you need to know why?

Poly isn't for everyone, and that is ok. Some people can be in a relationship with a partner who is poly and you are not, others can not do this.

I have heard people say that if you aren't open to poly that means you are jealous. Ok so? I've further heard people say that jealousy is a form of insecurity. Again, so? We've all been hurt, screwed over and left to mend a broken heart. I think it's safe to say that we all want to feel loved - whatever that is for you personally. I just don't think that it is fair or right for people to negate your feelings, which are based on past experiences, because their feelings are different.

Finally, if poly isn't for you and you are getting into a relationship with someone who is poly chances of this relationship succeeding are not very good. I would place better odds on a married/long time couple who later realize poly about their sexual orientation rather than somoen who is clearly poly and clearly monogamous partnering successfully. Doesn't mean it can't be done, just means it will take a lot of work on both parts.

~Emerald

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 5:30:56 AM

kisshou

Posts: 704
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

When you love and are so devoted to someone , when they are your Master and you live to please them , you paste a big smile on your face and pretend you want poly also. You exclaim happily to Master how you will adore having a "sister" and giggle over all the things you and your fantasy sister will do to please Master. Hearing all of this your Master is more turned on then ever and the sex between the two of you burns up the sheets. This brings the two of you even closer together as He appreciates the fact that He can be honest with you about wanting to be with more than one girl. Things go along swimmingly as you look at websites and discuss other girls profiles and who might fit into your family.

Now your Master actually finds another girl and the reality sets in. Now you are face to face with someone who gives Master something you can't. You start thinking how you worked your butt off for the priveledge of begging His collar. You are smiling on the outside but inside you are being eaten alive. The feelings evoked manifest themselves in different ways both physical and mental, you don't sleep as well and barely eat anymore. You hide this all from your Master because you feel that if you can't handle this situation you will be letting him down. So with that big smile on your face you cleverly and insidiously ruin his relationship with the new sub. She is now out of his life, He realizes how much time/work/effort it all was and breathes a sigh of relief that it is over as he hugs you tightly. You feel a few twinges of guilt buy hey all is fair in love and war.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 14

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 6:14:46 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

When you love and are so devoted to someone , when they are your Master and you live to please them , you paste a big smile on your face and pretend you want poly also. You exclaim happily to Master how you will adore having a "sister" and giggle over all the things you and your fantasy sister will do to please Master. Hearing all of this your Master is more turned on then ever and the sex between the two of you burns up the sheets. This brings the two of you even closer together as He appreciates the fact that He can be honest with you about wanting to be with more than one girl. Things go along swimmingly as you look at websites and discuss other girls profiles and who might fit into your family.

Now your Master actually finds another girl and the reality sets in. Now you are face to face with someone who gives Master something you can't. You start thinking how you worked your butt off for the priveledge of begging His collar. You are smiling on the outside but inside you are being eaten alive. The feelings evoked manifest themselves in different ways both physical and mental, you don't sleep as well and barely eat anymore. You hide this all from your Master because you feel that if you can't handle this situation you will be letting him down. So with that big smile on your face you cleverly and insidiously ruin his relationship with the new sub. She is now out of his life, He realizes how much time/work/effort it all was and breathes a sigh of relief that it is over as he hugs you tightly. You feel a few twinges of guilt buy hey all is fair in love and war.

From my perspective this is just plain dishonest all the way through. Of course the relationship didn't succeed, and I'd be suprised if the primary relionship succeeds overall if there are many such instances of dishonesty involved.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 15

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 6:15:41 AM

smilezz

Posts: 489
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

The first honest response i have seen in awhile.

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 4/24/2005 6:41:14 AM >

_____________________________

"Please excuse my Sense of Justice...it's the only thing that saves You from the Slaughter"

"What you cannot enforce, do not command - Sophocles"

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 16

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 8:41:59 AM

knees2you

Posts: 1129
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline

Doms talk about first Slaves and second Slaves.
I just read a profile that said,
I am looking for 2 Slaves one a Robot, the other a sex Slave.

It is a known fact that we only use 10 percent of our brains.

If Subs/Slaves used maybe 20 percent, then there would be no need for them? Or that all Subs/Slaves would want to be sex Subs/Slaves?

I understand Your Frustrations. Maybe You really should look at what is best for You... All my Mistresses have said to me that they want me to
tell them whether or not I'm comfortable with what they are wanting~

Sincerely, ant

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 17

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 1:23:25 PM

kisshou

Posts: 704
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

smilezz........ would your Master consider letting you relocate to Florida *giggles*
insightful , into knives and beautiful ..mmmmm........*wipes off drool*

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 18

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 1:40:29 PM

smilezz

Posts: 489
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

*chucklez* thank you kindly for the compliment. For the most part, Thorns does not let me out of His sight, let alone relocate though <grinz>

Happy Sunday!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

"Please excuse my Sense of Justice...it's the only thing that saves You from the Slaughter"

"What you cannot enforce, do not command - Sophocles"

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 19

RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! - 4/24/2005 2:13:47 PM

MrThorns

Posts: 801
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

smilezz........ would your Master consider letting you relocate to Florida *giggles*
insightful , into knives and beautiful ..mmmmm........*wipes off drool*

No.

Have a good day,

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 20

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