Poly does NOT = Harem

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Poly does NOT = Harem - 8/25/2005 11:11:49 AM

luvdragonx

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I was responding to a Poly thread on another board and really liked what I managed to put forth there. I thought I'd copy it here so that the folks who have the misconception that Poly is just a way for a man to lock down women for his use and enjoyment, could see one woman's (mine) views on it.

So many have the idea that Poly is another excuse/reason/name for a harem of women for one man to enjoy. A HAREM is just that. A poly family is different, in principle at least.

I would love to find a man and/or woman to love and share our life with. For me, the idea of having another person to love me, care for me, help me and experience life me with is wonderful. It doesn't take away from the love I have for my husband - no one but he could affect that sort of change. I also believe the same of him - I'm the only one to cause him to walk. Being secure in your primary relationship is key to anything, Poly included.

It's true, adding another person to the mix can be stressful. But that applies in all life situations. Choosing to have an unmentionable brings another person into your relationship whose needs are often paramount to your own. Family members and friends aren't necessarily excluded from your life just because they have needs that sometimes run contrary to your wants. What you do in all these is see the value of having that person as part of your life, and often the value far outweighs the potential hardship.

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RE: Poly does NOT = Harem - 8/25/2005 1:52:00 PM

OsideGirl

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Agreed. We've been searching for a third at my request. Not my Master's. I'm very bi, to the point where Master says I'm a lesbian with heterosexual tendencies. Which is fine with him since he's the tendency. Plus I like to top other women.

Add to that, he is a hardcore sadist which he tones down for me since I'm not capable of playing onhis level. I'd like for him to have a painslut to satisfy that part of him.

Whoever comes into our lives, gets love from both us. While they will not surpass me as his wife, they will have the love, affection and attention of two people. Which hardly makes them a third wheel or 2 place.

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RE: Poly does NOT = Harem - 8/25/2005 5:54:38 PM

MsPurrmeow

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Thanks for opening this up. What we offer as far as "what Poly is" is a family. An established group of people who love each other and love to have fun together. We offer up ourselves and our security to new people that come into our lives. While some people balk at the mention of the "P" word, we sit curiously by and wonder why so many people are afraid of living the rest of their lives with THREE people to kiss and hug at bedtime. Three people to share our lives with and THREE people with whom any hobby or interest is likely reflected.

From this side of the fence, we see what we offer as a boon, but yet people are themselves too focused on the sex/orgy/harem cliche's. Too many make assumptions about what will be taken away from them or what they will be forced into, that they fail to even try to see what is offered them for simply being an honest, loving and high-calibre human being in return.

Oh well. Those that cannot shake an erroneous stereotype will never get to be a part of the joy, either. It's all equitable in the end.

Good luck in your journey, too.

Purr

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RE: Poly does NOT = Harem - 8/25/2005 8:11:07 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

From this side of the fence, we see what we offer as a boon, but yet people are themselves too focused on the sex/orgy/harem cliche's.

I think this view comes about because subs have been exposed to many Dominants that have multiple subs, but are not a poly relationship and Dom's that bully or strong arm their subs into the Harem or poly situation.

A poly situation should be to everyones benefit, not just one person's benefit.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/26/2005 7:18:34 AM >

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RE: Poly does NOT = Harem - 8/26/2005 12:18:05 AM

SweetDommes

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Ah, the perfect topic for us ... I'm so tired of being asked how many we will have in our stable ...

We don't have a stable, we have a house ... and a family. It's amazing how many don't grasp that.

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