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New to D/s but not Poly - 12/15/2005 7:32:03 PM

IvyBlake

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Joined: 12/10/2005
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Just some basic thoughts here but I am involved in a poly relationship and have been for the better part of a decade. We just recently learned about the D/s lifestyle. We are learning about the kink aspects as well as service. Living in a triad it had never occured to me (yes, I know it's silly) that there could actually be more than 1 dominant in a household but have now come to realize that there are 2 of us here and the 3rd is very much a submissive. The dynamics are still somewhat difficult to wrap my head around but I'm working on it. Has anyone else who has been part of 1 (or more) alternative lifestyles and then added another to had this "Oh no! Another thing for me to be weird about!" type of thought?

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RE: New to D/s but not Poly - 12/16/2005 5:11:03 AM

HouseofBear

Posts: 362
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Ivy,

The situation you mention is not uncommon at all. We ourselves are dominants within a poly family. Some dominants share co-leadership within their poly relationships, others have a"pecking order" where one of the dominants has the final say (with in put from all involved), and there are a myriad of other variations. Each group or family explores and decides what works best for them. We wish all of you the best and that you enjoy your explorations within the lifestyle. The levels of open, honest communication, trust and intimacy that can be developed within both poly and the lifestyle can be extremely rewarding.

Bear and Ursa

(in reply to IvyBlake)

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RE: New to D/s but not Poly - 12/16/2005 5:59:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Constantly :) Welcome and hope things go smoothly. Just remember to be yourselves as always.

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RE: New to D/s but not Poly - 12/16/2005 9:53:33 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyBlake

Just some basic thoughts here but I am involved in a poly relationship and have been for the better part of a decade. We just recently learned about the D/s lifestyle. We are learning about the kink aspects as well as service. Living in a triad it had never occured to me (yes, I know it's silly) that there could actually be more than 1 dominant in a household but have now come to realize that there are 2 of us here and the 3rd is very much a submissive. The dynamics are still somewhat difficult to wrap my head around but I'm working on it. Has anyone else who has been part of 1 (or more) alternative lifestyles and then added another to had this "Oh no! Another thing for me to be weird about!" type of thought?

I don't think it is uncommon that a person and their relationships are apart of different alternate lifestyles at the same time... Poly, D/s, BDSM, Swinging.... all of them are a part of my life..... but all those lifestyles are not in there entirety a part of me. I take from them what suits my needs and desires and leave the rest. It doesn't make those things better or worse of what I take or leave... it is only a matter of personal preferences in achieving my happiness and well-being. Of course lets not also forget that we must also incorporate to some degree the mainstream lifestyle in all it's varities as well. Work and Parenthood are just a couple quick examples that many of us are required to incorporate into the complete dynamics of our individual lifestyle. I agree that it can be a difficult challenge to wrap ones mind around all these dynamics in our individual situations, and we exponential complicate it as we add the perspectives of those we have various relationships with.

enjoy and take care

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

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RE: New to D/s but not Poly - 12/16/2005 6:29:27 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyBlake

Has anyone else who has been part of 1 (or more) alternative lifestyles and then added another to had this "Oh no! Another thing for me to be weird about!" type of thought?

Been there, done that... to the point where our household, now, is wrapped up one way or another in 6 alternative lifestyles (Health, spirituality, poly, open relationships, D/s, GLBT). Circumstances brought us individuals who made us aware of things that we never knew and hadn't considered before. In accepting ourselves, we were able to open ourselves to the wide fields of possibilities out there, and while there was a -definite- learning curve, we discovered that each thing broadened our appreciation for our lives individually and together. We've had members and close friends of the household who didn't participate in one or more of the areas that our household touches on, but it never got weird for us, because we always cherish(ed) one another for what -is-, and not the things that appear to outsiders to be "lacks".

Trust yourself, and enjoy your life. Take everything with a grain of salt, and try to avoid the whole concept of "regret" -- everything has -at least- its value as a learning experience.

Lady Zephyr

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.

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