Need some advice on M/s

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Need some advice on M/s - 1/30/2006 8:18:24 AM

barelynangel

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This is a strictly advice needed regarding a M/s relationship not a general poly relationship. There will be 2 slaves and a Master. How does a slave coming into a relationship or considering coming into the relationship become a part of the relationship when an initial slave seemingly needs to hold on to the title of being first as a prize that the second girl must never hope to aspire too because it is hers? Much of this idea may be coming from her not knowing poly or having experienced it... but how do you help someone understand that you are not out for their position in their Master's life but that you want to cut out your own position that may look the same on some levels as hers but because you are two different people, are separate in nature and connection with him on a single level but a strong loving connection between the two of the girls. I do not want to enter this relationship to hurt her and lately that's what i feel like i would do, she is awesome and in all honesty, she and her Master are the only 2 people i would consider joining such a situtation, i don't want to lose the chance to have Him consider me.... i just don't know how to approach this without sounding selfish on wanting my chance to grow and solidify a place with him at the very top of his expectations of me but i also don't want to hurt her with what i need to do to be his slave and that is give everything of who i am to being so, just as she has. I realize that my chance for consideration is probably nullified by now but i would still like some advice if there is any.

Thanks, angel

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 1/30/2006 8:33:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
There will be 2 slaves and a Master. How does a slave coming into a relationship or considering coming into the relationship become a part of the relationship when an initial slave seemingly needs to hold on to the title of being first as a prize that the second girl must never hope to aspire too because it is hers?

First thing to do- sit down with all three of you and ask that exact question to them.

quote:

Much of this idea may be coming from her not knowing poly or having experienced it... but how do you help someone understand that you are not out for their position in their Master's life but that you want to cut out your own position that may look the same on some levels as hers but because you are two different people, are separate in nature and connection with him on a single level but a strong loving connection between the two of the girls.

You can't force a strong loving connection between anyone. Anyone who has raised siblings knows this. So you really shouldn't even be expecting it or using that as your yardstick for success here.

Secondly, is this their first poly?

Next, why are they persuing poly when the existing slave has this perception? Why are you wanting a relationship with them when this exists? You need to all sit down and go over those questions together. Relationships need a lot more than feelings and desires to make them work.

Finally, the only thing that really works is time and patience. They have to make room for you just as much as you have to adjust to them. Given time, everyone will show whether they can and really want to make it work. As long as everyone does respect everyone and is not threatened, then you can go for it. As long as someone does not respect another and feels threatened, then you've lost before you begin.

quote:

i just don't know how to approach this without sounding selfish on wanting my chance to grow and solidify a place with him at the very top of his expectations of me but i also don't want to hurt her with what i need to do to be his slave and that is give everything of who i am to being so, just as she has. I realize that my chance for consideration is probably nullified by now but i would still like some advice if there is any.

Thanks, angel

You need to have that exact same conversation with them. It's not bad to want to be in a relationship that serves you, that makes you feel fulfilled. That's the whole point of consent. It's not easy being "the new girl" at all, and it is pointless if not everyone is welcome and respectful of your position, whatever it is.

Have you all read The Ethical Slut yet?

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 1/30/2006 1:55:50 PM

MistressDREAD

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You ask for advice on a M/s relationship angle but you were not speaking in the least about a M/s relationship at all. This is where you have the feelings that you have and it seems that it is you who has issues on getting into a M/S/s relationship. you need to step back and judge if this is truthfully what you actually want. the home and M/S relationship that you will be entering into obviously have allready hashed out what they expect in this. you are the one I see with rubberbands being streched then pulling you back.

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 2/4/2006 8:58:31 PM

NaturesTreasure

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I have found that a 30 day visit before owning one eliminates these problems.I watch to see how they interact.Then I make my decision.

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 2/20/2006 12:49:44 PM

halopatEN20F

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er, your predictament is entirely understandable and demonstrates your enormous sensitivity to such a situation. However, you say nothing of how Master views or wishes the situation to develop - after all He IS in charge....

obviously, you can NEVER criticise Master, however maybe, jut maybe, you could BEG him for his guidance on how to Behave so as to Please both Him and also His Other Person - try making yourself available to both - but only when you have obtained a clear idea about what each wants of you.

er, have you tried an 'off-scene' social conversation with a glass or two of wine to explore the potential jealousies and the protocols?

Fond safe pervy love to you all

Halopatric/TvMistress Q

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 2/20/2006 4:12:51 PM

LadiesBladewing

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barelynangel,

It sounds to me like you're coming into this relationship with a lot of pre-conceived notions about how its going to play out. The best thing you can do for the relationship and for your own peace of mind is to let go of any "mind pictures" or fantasies about what this relationship will look like, and just let it -be-. Given enough time, and a real commitment to working through the pitfalls of a relationship with the complexity of a triad (triads are, by necessity, more complex than dyads, quads are more complex than triads... and so on), you will likely be able to work out your niche. It can't be done in advance though... it is a fluid process, that will change constantly, like a stream flowing between the three of you.

I also want to be clear that, in terms of time, I'm talking about at least six months, if not a year, for everyone to sort out how the dynamic affects each individual, and how the individuals affect the dynamic. It seems, after years of experience, that it takes at -least- that long to determine whether there is any real relationship possbile at -all-... everyone has to figure out whether they truly nourish one another, or whether the friction of the multiple personalities rubbing against one another is tantamount to spontaneous relationship combustion for the group.

Lady Zephyr

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 2/21/2006 10:19:59 AM

MsPurrmeow

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You are only hurting yourself and clouding the answers if you are going to think that this is NOT a poly question. Your questions are abot the poly relationship, not about M/s... and the answer is always to talk to them face to face.

You cannot control anyone else's emotions at all. They are responsible for their own, what you can do is talk, and show them by actions what your intentions are. If they are new to poly as well, this is going to be really hard, they need to talk, too.

Hint: If this "Master" in any way makes it your job to make the other s comfy or get her accustomed to the idea and accept it, just run. You cannot do that, and he can't either. That is housework that he needs to handle long before involving a third.

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RE: Need some advice on M/s - 2/21/2006 11:05:38 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

This is a strictly advice needed regarding a M/s relationship not a general poly relationship. There will be 2 slaves and a Master. How does a slave coming into a relationship or considering coming into the relationship become a part of the relationship when an initial slave seemingly needs to hold on to the title of being first as a prize that the second girl must never hope to aspire too because it is hers?

This depends. Is this how the owner feels as well? If it is, then you don't. You accept that your place will not be the same as hers. You will never be his first girl. If the owner believes this position is up for grabs between his girls then you strive to be the best you can be. In many households *first girl* is a coveted and earned position. The owner needs to determine the position of his girls and enforce it.

quote:

Much of this idea may be coming from her not knowing poly or having experienced it... but how do you help someone understand that you are not out for their position in their Master's life but that you want to cut out your own position that may look the same on some levels as hers but because you are two different people, are separate in nature and connection with him on a single level but a strong loving connection between the two of the girls.

Maybe. Maybe it is how her owner has expressed that owning mutilple slaves works in his household. You don't help her understand, she needs to express clearly her owner's expectation for the girl's in his service. You can either accept those or decline and move on.

quote:

do not want to enter this relationship to hurt her and lately that's what i feel like i would do, she is awesome and in all honesty, she and her Master are the only 2 people i would consider joining such a situtation, i don't want to lose the chance to have Him consider me.... i just don't know how to approach this without sounding selfish on wanting my chance to grow and solidify a place with him at the very top of his expectations of me but i also don't want to hurt her with what i need to do to be his slave and that is give everything of who i am to being so, just as she has. I realize that my chance for consideration is probably nullified by now but i would still like some advice if there is any.

How could you hurt her by doing what the owner wants you to do? He will determine your place, not her and not you. It sounds to me like you both have agendas all your own. It might behoove you to find out what the owner's agenda/position is, since ultimately that will be the one you both live under. I don't know many owners that have multi-slave households(and do so successfully) that allow their property to determine use and hierarchy.

I think the bottom line is the one already expressed here repeatedly..talk to them and ask what your position will be.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 2/21/2006 11:07:44 AM >

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