Learning Dom

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

Learning Dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Learning Dom

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:05:14 PM

BlueKnight555

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:33:08 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

This is great, just jujmp in read, read read, ask questions, explore with care. Enjoy.

It will be harder for you as a novice dom, but it's always harder to start.

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:37:00 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueKnight555

Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!

Perfectly appropriate. One thing I've never understood is why some doms don't want to get advice from submissives. That's like trying to tune an engine blindfolded with earplugs.

As for finding one of your own: just be honest and be yourself. There's a lot to be said for a dominant who is willing to listen and learn. At the very least you'll get points for honesty. It separates you from all the "Old Guard" masters who say things like "when I remove the clamps from your nipples you'll sigh with relief."

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 4:46:51 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 616
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I have always found that asking questions and LISTENING to the answers is the very best way to learn. And reading lots of books about anything related to the subject would run a close second. Don't be afraid to ask an experienced Sub or an experienced Dom for pointers. Afterall, we all started out as beginners at one time or another. Just remember that old adage about 'You can't listen and talk at the same time.' If you ask for advice then take the time to listen to the answer. Whether you decide to USE that advice or not is a personal matter.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 8/23/2005 4:48:24 PM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!!!

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 6:23:06 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

We must all start somewhere. I agree that asking as well as listening are the two most important things. Ask and listen to all, Dom and sub alike.

BTW, are you really 96 years old?

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 6:25:51 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Blue Knight, at 96 years of age, anything you do is right.

Ron

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Learning Dom - 8/23/2005 7:28:31 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1002
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Is it wrong to ask advice from Dom and sub - how do i develop as a Dom. I am new here and wish to explore - will subs join a Dom who is just 'starting out' or if not - any advice on the ways to move forward. Thank you for anything - even if saying this is not the right way to start!!!!

It really depends on what a submissive is looking for. When Sir and I met, he was just coming into the local scene. He had experience, but his experience was mostly with vanilla girlfriends he tried to "kink-up". This of course, concerned me. It's been a long time since I was new, and I have references that I can supply, etc. It's difficult to reference people who have not been part of the scene.

In the beginning, we took it slow. We talked alot, and developed a friendship. It was almost 3 months after we met that we actually had our first scene. For that first scene, I requested that we play at a party where others I knew would be. My safety is priority one to me. He agreed without hesitation and we set up the scene.

Happily for me, he knew what he was doing. He'd done his homework over the years, and was skilled with the toys he chose to use, and knew the safety routines.

If you are just starting out, meet people. Talk to the Tops/Doms and subs/bottoms. Make friends. Find people who you are comfortable with in a platonic setting. Ask questions and be open to learning both protocol, relationship stuff and practical stuff where toys are concerned. Ask someone who is a Top/Dom who you feel comfortable with to Mentor you. Go to any and all demos/educational things in your area that you can. Volunteer with the local group to help set parties up or what ever they need. Get involved. That's how you learn how to exist here.

If you allow yourself to be open to learning, then you should be quite alright.

Good luck,
Lily

_____________________________

If it's not fun, why bother?

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 5:42:58 AM

Oumae

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

As others have said the best way to learn is to read, ask questions, listen and to watch.

On www.informedconsent.co.uk you will find listings of events all over the UK. I go to events over there and fine that many are willing to teach/show others how to do things or how to use the "tools of the trade". Some of the munches and fairs have demos.

Take what suits/interests you and go with it.

Good luck,

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 8:38:25 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 1026
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline

Hey, everyone has to start somewhere. It's like riding a bike, you're destined to fall off a couple of times, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. The more you immerse yourself in the lifestyle, the quicker you'll pick things up. Just make sure you do it safely (ok. That's my mothering instinct coming out).

_____________________________

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth (Jareth/ David Bowie)

"Last night I heard from good God above at the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove."
~Shudder to Think

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 9:08:19 AM

SirWaverider

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I'ver actually been wondering that myself because I've only been in the lifestyle less than a year. but I feel lucky My sub and I have made lots of friends and they have helped Me immencely. I have a couple of friends I concider Mentors and I can ask them anything. I also let my sub ask questions. nothing like information overload. I have realized that this lifestyle and the people in it are much more respectful towards eachother than the "outside world"
With all that said....go ahead attend munches.....find a discussion group....find a dungeon or 2..( of course know your curtesies at dungeons) being around fellow lifestylers will get you all the info you want and then some

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 9:33:11 AM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello BlueKnight555, and welcome to the boards. Always nice to see a fellow Brit here!

I think that considering information from all sorts of places is a good idea ~ online and offline. With regard to the specific question you asked about subs considering a 'newbie' dom, there was a thread about that fairly recently, which might be interesting to you:

An experienced slave and a new master: Can it work?

Take care and have fun,

~ Elektra

(in reply to BlueKnight555)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 11:31:05 AM

BlueKnight555

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

Thamk you one and all for such good advice. I will go slow, listen adn research well. You have all been most encouraging and helpful. I look forward to enlightenment. Wishing everyone a fulsome life in their way. BK

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Learning Dom - 8/24/2005 8:03:16 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I've learned as much from sub/slaves as I have from the Dominant folk.. the only wrongness or shame in doing this is in your own mind and in the minds of small minded people.. Do what you believe to be right and honourable and tell the rest to bugger off.

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to BlueKnight555)