How to break the Ice

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How to break the Ice - 12/18/2005 2:46:37 PM

Country534

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/15/2005
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If you are new to scene and go to a local function, what is the best way to approach a Mistress? or should I wait till one approaches me ?

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/18/2005 3:03:41 PM

Alixandria

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Joined: 2/27/2005
From: Edmonton, Alberta
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I'm assuming from your question that you have yet to go to a function in the bdsm community. At the typical munch, you will see that your question is meaningless because you are unlikely to spot the "Mistresses" (not all top women identify as such anyway).

What is expected is that you socialize with everyone at first so that you can get a feel for who is there and what their perspectives are. The first thing you will notice, is that the room (or table if it is a restaurant) is full of people who are dressed pretty much like each other (i.e., like ordinary folk) and who carry no obvious roles.

It is a mistake to try to beeline only to people who you are directly interested in. It annoys the person you are approaching if they don't know you, and you miss out on getting a chance to talk to others who can give you advice and referrals and references. And yes, the good sources can be female subs, male doms, other male subs and even (gasp!) female tops who are not currently in the market.

Short version: Get out there and try to be social with everyone there.

Alix

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/18/2005 3:08:40 PM

Country534

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Joined: 12/15/2005
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Thank You, And you are correct, I have not as of yet attended any. Now I have an idea of what it is like and not look like a fool there.

(in reply to Alixandria)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/18/2005 6:46:44 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 48
Joined: 9/11/2005
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I think it is really important to know the whole person not just their title. Also I find that if you are at munches and socialize that more people get to know you and you become more " real" in their minds.

As always patience is a virtue lol ...

I have never been offended when a submissive politely introduced themselves or asked another to do so. The key words for me are courteous and respectful

Good luck and go enjoy

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 5:57:38 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Country534
If you are new to scene and go to a local function, what is the best way to approach a Mistress? or should I wait till one approaches me ?

Unless the women have name tags, with their orientation clearly labeled, you'll have to talk with them to know for sure, if they are a Domme.

IMO, you should approach a lady, at an event, like you would...anywhere. Try saying hello, and introduce yourself. Let her know that you're new to the function and that you're looking forward to meeting people. Don't be shy, and don't be forward.

My suggestions of what "not" to do, and what seems to happen a lot lately is...don't stare at a woman. I've seen soooooo many men, that sit completely across the room, and then they fixate on just staring. I find this totally creepy. They never say a word, but are perhaps telepathically telling me of their interest....but it's more like I'm thinking they are in their own world fantasizing something completely different than seeing me drink coffee. Most "never" say a single word, to me, nor to anyone else in the room. Best recommendation....talk to people. The more you know, the more chance you'll meet others that share you own interests, and perhaps even those that can introduce you to others. Don't focus only on dominant women, if attending a social function. Be social.

If at a social function, or really anywhere...my recommendation is...don't call a lady "Mistress." First off, you might not be speaking to a dominant woman, and second, in my experience, most women don't really appreciate that title being blindly offered from a total stranger. When introduced initially, ask her what she prefers to be called. That's the safetest.

Be a gentleman first, and a submissive second.

K

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 9:17:37 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 772
Joined: 3/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Country534

If you are new to scene and go to a local function, what is the best way to approach a Mistress? or should I wait till one approaches me ?

The key thing to remember, like with all other endeavors, passiveness usually nets us nothing in life. No need to be afraid of them because they are dominant.

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

- General George S. Patton

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 9:40:18 AM

MsIce

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[/quote]

The key thing to remember, like with all other endeavors, passiveness usually nets us nothing in life. No need to be afraid of them because they are dominant.

- The Ranger
[/quote]

Are you sure Ranger?? lol - its the quiet ones that you should be afraid of, still waters and all......

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 1:30:08 PM

Country534

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Joined: 12/15/2005
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Thank you All for the advice. Now hopefully I will not look like a dummy when I go.
Thanks again..

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 2:59:58 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 482
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Metro Detroit
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My friend K said it well, and I will add to her words: remember first of all that EVERYONE in the scene is a human being first, and a dom/top/sub/pony/sissy/slave/babymaid/whatever second. Approach them as you would approach anyone new!

I don't know how the scene is in your part of the world, but in most parts, it's pretty incestuous. We know everyone, we talk about everyone, and the women network heavily. Good recommendations lead to introductions. Be courteous, friendly, and as outgoing as your personality allows. Most munches do not involve bdsm as a topic of conversation----we talk about everything from games to television, to getting the boat out of the water (or in!).

If there is a host or hostess of the event you are attending, introduce yourself to that person as a new member, and more than likely they will get the ball rolling with some introductions. Relax and have fun. Don't worry about looking foolish. How foolish can you look, drinking coffee?

:)

_____________________________

River is my inner child.

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 12/19/2005 3:14:53 PM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

quote:

ORIGINAL: Country534

If you are new to scene and go to a local function, what is the best way to approach a Mistress? or should I wait till one approaches me ?

The key thing to remember, like with all other endeavors, passiveness usually nets us nothing in life. No need to be afraid of them because they are dominant.

- The Ranger

That was just a really great piece of advice, Ranger. I am a very soft spoken woman with very innocent features, even I snicker at that but it's true

, and yet when I am addressed by others (even at first meetings) they use "Ma'am" or "M'Lady". We don't breathe fire...well not on the first meeting...and we don't snap and snarl...well again, not on the first meeting *sigh*...what I'm getting at is, it's all natural. Good boys and girls feel it.

I actually enjoy it when a boy takes the initiative, if he presents himself well.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 9:36:59 AM

jamesthehumanrug

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Joined: 10/21/2005
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dear country 534
when you know there are mistresses
you deck yourself out!
to the nines in standard leathers
you carry an expensive lighter
you carry escourt rolling papers
you stand by the doors
to meet any and all
you run to pull their chair ;
stand when they come in; or stand to leave;
you run to lite their ciggs;
and attend their every possible need ;unnoticed;like a tin soldier not noted but very showy noticed;
till you are noted by you looks ;or someone really wants you; then you are there;
you have to dress to impress; and have a service presentation;
at the door ;you hold it for any and all mistresses;
all misstress have friends; and you have to be accepted;
so deck and be errect; at attention; at their service; with chivallry; above and beyond call of duty ;pay attention be quick;dont let another lite their cigg or open their door;and youll be taken and noticed;or go to the next party ;be reliable; available ;and the same tin soldier;
so then you get to choose;
be rare; and in demand;
as you wish; or im living for you; is you stated reply;
have a car waiting ;to take all the mistresses home;
and attend forever; the one you want; and that chooses you ;
tops take notes ;so work your way to the top ;
dont flub up;
wait ten hours ;if you have to;while she visits or dines;
take her door to door;
you are at her beck and call ;under her heel; 24/7;
and worship ;memorize; her every manner ;and move;
what else is there; but the goddess;

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 1/11/2006 9:41:18 AM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 10:31:20 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Country534

If you are new to scene and go to a local function, what is the best way to approach a Mistress? or should I wait till one approaches me ?

If by function you mean one that is social in nature, like a munch, go with two goals in mind: to meet people and make new friends. If you are going for the purpose of meeting the Mistress of your dreams, you are likely to be disappointed.

Munches are the best, because that's a large part of their purpose, to provide a non-threatening place for newcomers to the scene to meet and greet.

People tend to dress somewhere between vanilla and leather (thank heaven's for the goths, they've made a lot of fetish wear into street wear). However, nobody wears name tags with "Dom" or "Sub" on them.

There are usually people there who keep an eye out for newcomers. They may be male or female, dominant or submissive. They will approach you and introduce themselves and offer to introduce you around. Take them up on it.

Talk to everyone. You might not be interested in Sara Submissive or Dominant Dan, but they might be friends with Mistress Domina, who just happens to be looking for a new sub. Don't ignore Steven Switch, because you are too busy staring at the alluring woman across the table that your hormones are telling you is dominant. He might be able to tell you all sorts of things about her, including whether or not she's really dominant.

And when you do find yourself face to face with a real, live dominant woman, don't throw yourself at her feet and lick her boots, or call her Mistress or Goddess-unless she says you may, of course. Smile, shake her hand if she offers it, and call her by whatever name is used in introducing her. Be honest! Admit that this is your first scene event/munch. She'll be aware that your hormones are in overdrive, and that you are bursting with....questions. You never know, she might be new, too.

_____________________________

pleased owner of manservant in training, james

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Country534)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 12:34:16 PM

fergus

Posts: 365
Joined: 6/22/2005
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In ALL situations, regardless of setting, dynamic, function etc.

Always treat each person with basic human dignity. Never treat a person as an ideal, or as a picture in your mind of what you'd LIKE them to be, or expect them to be. That is a dehumanizing experience.

fergus

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 2:15:05 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 381
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Hey Fergus,

We seem to be of a like mind. Do you ever play blues on that thing? I blow blues harp, maybe we should collaborate sometime?

seaturtle50

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 4:30:39 PM

fergus

Posts: 365
Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

Hey Fergus,

We seem to be of a like mind. Do you ever play blues on that thing? I blow blues harp, maybe we should collaborate sometime?

seaturtle50

I love the blues ;)

Play mostly 20's and 30's stuff actually.

fergus

(in reply to seaturtle50)

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RE: How to break the Ice - 1/11/2006 6:52:40 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/28/2005
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Sweet! (sorry, not trying to hijack the thread, not on porpose anyway

)

Give me a pm sometime. I am in central NY, so probably not all that far from you. Maybe we could jam a little some time. I play be ear, so the better you are, the better i am too!

seaturtle

(in reply to fergus)

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