Here's a new Twist..Thought

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Here's a new Twist..Thought - 3/31/2005 5:10:12 PM

smilezz

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Thorns and i were discussing all the threads on Poly that have been posted....something that was thrown out there in our discussion. What about being in a solid relationship with a slave and her/him being your primary, You have other slaves within the whole Poly thing and You marry one of them?
Married but not to Your primary? does this make that person Your primary now? anyone in this? heard of this? thoughts on this?

~smilezz~

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 3/31/2005 5:44:07 PM

stormsfate

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You can have more than one primary relationship. Its not uncommon in a closed and/or polyfi triad for everyone within that triad to be a primary. Anyone outside the triad would be considered secondary...lol.

f

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 4/1/2005 4:54:09 AM

MrThorns

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

You can have more than one primary relationship. Its not uncommon in a closed and/or polyfi triad for everyone within that triad to be a primary. Anyone outside the triad would be considered secondary...lol.

f

I understand what you are saying, and you are absolutely correct. You can have a relationship where all slaves are equal. The discussion that smilezz and I were having was in regards to a relationship where there is an Alpha slave...or primary. The dominant and the alpha make up the core of the relationship.

So in that particular scenario... what if marriage came into play? What if that marriage was between the dominant and someone other than the alpha? What about if the marriage were between two slaves within the relationship?

Anyone heard of something like this occuring?

~Thorns

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 4/1/2005 5:37:25 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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In my life it is a distinct possibility. I am Owned, the Owner is my primary partner, but I am not his.

The boyfriend is not my primary partner, but he could become my life partner in terms of living together or possibly marriage if circumstances warranted.

I suppose there are different kind of primary partners and while this certainly muddies the waters even more, as long as everyone knows who holds the authority and how it works, then it's fine.

As per usual- if you can imagine it, someone out there is living it and very happy about it.

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 4/11/2005 11:35:44 PM

tianna

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i believe i was in the exact situation you were speaking about.

i was married and met my RL Master a couple years after we were married. So i was married to someone who wasn't my Master. How it worked for us was that i didn't sub to my husband (he was a horrible dom for me anyway) and my Master was also my bf, but He wasn't my primary, my husband was.
It worked as well as it could while i was married. But he decided it was more important to date an 18 year old than continue and work on a 7 year marriage. *shrugs*

tianna

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 4/12/2005 5:30:46 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Sorry, deleted :)

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 4/12/2005 5:31:55 AM >

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 4/22/2005 6:11:36 PM

gestalt98

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This brings to light an interesting concept in the whole 'poly-chain' rhetoric; at some point the multiple relationships inside the ring of the 'family' become complex and varied. It seems there becomes this kind of 'poly-clan' or poly-tribe' aspect as the halo of relationship chains extends outward from the initial diad/triad.

This has difficult consequences when you start to mix this dynamic with a more concrete convential relationship form like marriage, which in general forces a one-to-one closed monogamous relation. If the marriage partner is within the the poly-family, wouldn't that cause a fundamental shift in the family?

Of course, it can and could work, if all communications were open, but just the suggestion itself leads me to wonder if the paradigm is working for those involved and the marriage is a means of changing the way things are....

It seems inevitable that this would shift the dynamic of the family....

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 5/7/2005 10:24:41 PM

subcharmedlilone

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Yes i believe in a ploy relationship all would be spoken and if everyone was already in this relationship the dynamic would already have been set. Everyone would know who was Master and was submissive. Communication is the key in all of this it would have to be a very good situation where everyone could communicate and understand what was goin on at all times. as far as dynamic it would most likely not change that much except for the marrage everyone would still be under Master and things would go on as before. i dont see where this would be a big deal at all. the only way it would be a problem is if someone tried to make it one then it would be the Master decision on what to do. The Master or Mistress should have total control of things. thats my opinion

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 5/30/2005 7:39:33 AM

CitizenCane

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Marriage has some benefits in terms of interfacing with other social institutions- health care, retirement, and so on, but has the tremendous disadvantage of being extremely poorly defined and varying greatly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Case law and the attitudes of judges play a huge role in determining the 'meaning' of marriage in often contradictory ways. To me, the great advantage of 'alternative' bonding arrangements is that the people involved are defining them, hopefully pretty explicitly, to meet their needs rather than the generic needs of 'average' citizens. While I don't think mixing the two is always a bad thing, there is certainly potential for a lot of confusion and conflict. Lots and lots of prenups seem like a prudent idea in a poly situation.

Cane

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RE: Here's a new Twist..Thought - 5/30/2005 4:00:30 PM

FangsNfeet

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Well it depends on why the marriage took place. After all, if some body has a slave with a job offering great bennifits and health ins, why not have the marriage to use him/her to what they have to offer to the max?
Some ppl are pressured as to who or what kind of person they have to marry. Marrying the Beta could be a good cover up on presentation purposes. They may also have the best credit rating for keeping the entire family/group in good financial standards with houseing, transportation, and such. Then you have to think who would be best to claim on Income Tax.

As for marriage, legaly all it really is in todays time is a piece of paper that allows the other person to act on finances and legal dicissions if the other dies are becomes unable to care for themself. I tend to hold marriage to a higher standard myself but I know many who don't even see the point of it unless it offers financial advantages. And since poly marriages are illegal in the US, you have to pick the one who has the most to offer for the poly family. And being the one with the most to offer financialy dosen't bump you up to the Alpha.

I don't think a piece of paper makes less of an Alpha Sub. It all depends on jealosy and state of mind. Was the marriage choice a group decission to better the house or the Masters idea alone?

That's all I really have to say on the subject. May it help poly couples think about all the pros and cons before making marriage decissons.

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