Help me. I'm trapped !

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Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 12:33:04 AM

coffs

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

Hi Folks. First time poster here, hope you can help me.

I have a problem that may seem unusual, but I'm sure its a lot more common than we realise. I am a 38 yr old male Dom. In my 20s I had 3 long(ish) term relationships with submissive women. Actually one sub, one full time slave and one who couldnt decide :) But when they finished I married a vanilla woman who is not the least interested in bdsm. I am still with her today.

Over recent years it has become painfully clear that I cannot deny myself my dominant character. I am literaly aching to be involved in a Dom/sub relationship of some kind. I love my wife dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But, I am ashamed to admit, that I have strayed and been unfaithful twice. I justify this to myself (maybe fooling myself) that I have to releave the pressure and allow my dominant side to relax and let me live my life in peace. It was a physical thing, no emotional content. The women involved were friends who I met on the web. I have no contact with either now.

I know I am going to be asked these questions, so I'll answer them now.
Why did I marry vanilla? I thought it was a good idea at the time. I thought I could live without bdsm. (big mistake) And, I was in love. (still am)
Why cant I tell her and see if she will partake in some D/s? No chance, not a hope. She would not. Trust me, its not an option.
Why dont I leave her? I love her and want to stay. We have a good life.

So....
What do I do? I have to do something to feel I am part of the whole bdsm culture. And I would prefer if that something didnt disrupt my otherwise good life. I would love an on line sub. But have you tried getting one? They just dont want a married man. :o) Even chatting about the subject is good - love this board, so much intelligent input, so refreshing - but finding that isnt to easy either. Reminising about the good times had in the past would be better than nothing.

So is there anything an experienced sadistic dominant can do for satisfaction, no matter how mild that may be?

Help me before I do something I might regret.

cheers all
Coffs

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 12:45:28 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 1065
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coffs

Help me before I do something I might regret.

cheers all
Coffs

Hi Coffs... welcome to the boards....

According to your post..... you already did.

_____________________________

So Let's Go There, Let's Make Our Escape, Come On Let's Go There, Let Us Can We Escape..... Can You Take Me Higher.. ("Higher" by Creed)

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 12:52:25 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 298
Status: offline

Difficult situation, no doubt about that.

I'm curious though, what exactly would you 'do' that you 'might regret'?

An online relationship can contribute a great deal to a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that one might not be willing or able to pursue r/t. Since you've already equivocated 'having strayed twice' into this equation, I don't think an online relationship is a realistic alternative for you.

Be honest with yourself about your needs and keep searching for that person who compliments them. I'd suggest getting involved with your local BDSM group to see if there's a like minded submissive who's married to a vanilla fellow who would work out a BDSM based relationship with You. Whether sex is involved or not would depend upon whatever the two of you decide; it's just not anybody else's business.

I know of several successful, long term BDSM couples who have vanilla spouses. Some are platonic, some are not.

You're going to get a lot of self righteous flack on this thread for wanting something outside of your marriage. I'd suggest ignoring the critics and trying to maintain your focus on finding a sub who is in the same situation you are. Trust Me, they're out there!

Texas Maam

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:04:18 AM

slavejali

Posts: 721
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm thinking about yr situation...i paused a moment before posting cuz i thought i might turn out like one of the self righteous ones that TexasMaam described...but the reaility is...whichever way I look at it...your gonna be lying to your wife...lies in marriage eat at the foundation of the marriage...and it will go to shit..sorry.

I thought about your suggestion about an online submissive, perhaps one that was married herself...but then I thought...well thats not going to work...you are gonna be switching screens everytime your wife walks into the room..your submissive is gonna go all nutsy wanting more of your time than you can give...you are gonna get more and more frustrated cuz online is plain fucking frustrating....basicallly..its a no one wins situation....and your still lying to your wife....

im still thinking...

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/9/2006 1:11:12 AM >

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:09:52 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 298
Status: offline

What about My situation?

I have a long term relationship with a remarkable sub.

To what are you referring, specifically?

TM

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:22:36 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 75
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He enters, dips His lid,

What is it that you may do that you'll regret? That parting comment begs........heaps...

In short- you will always regret something if you don't think it out carefully and make sure that it sits comfortable within. Takes' balls', man to post here, I'll give you that!

You'd have my vote if you were true to your conscience and exhibited the 'Strength' that you interpret a 'Real-time' D has to exhibit to be 'The One' for a real-time sub. This Strength is entirely 'subjective' to your conscience and would also be 'subjective' to a 'Precious One' that may submit to you.

Eyes fink that, The 'Dynamic' lives the time....the kink fades and renews.

Work out what you want and reflect it in your Profile clearly.

Warm regards

Paul, Sir to His Angel and His Wild.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 2:11:24 AM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 120
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: Illinois
Status: offline

Step 1. Ummmmm, tell your wife. I'd think that would be obvious.

Then come back after you've done the right thing by being honest with the woman you say you love.

Or you could just lie to her and lose her in divorce later, at least if you say something to her she still will respect you, or see you are going to do this regardless and work something out because she doesn't want to lose you.

Just my opinion.

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