UtahGoddess
Posts: 199
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline
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Here is an article I wrote a few years ago for one of our local BDSM webstes.
Enjoy :)
A conversation with vanilla-folk
(AKA Vanilla crackers think I'm flaky!)
I am always amazed when I get into a conversation with a vanilla person about my power exchange based relationships. I see the flash of horror quickly replaced with a judgmental raised eyebrow. "Oh... You're one of those!" it seems to say.
I usually sit for a moment and let the images in their brains settle down, and then I laugh. "Yes....I'm one of *those people*" If I sit, eyes sparkling, with an amused look on my face....the inevitable questions will come. They will lean forward and ask "You like to do......?" You can see their eyes poised, hoping for a bit of gossip or a juicy tidbit to satisfy their carnal curiosity.
Of course I never get into specific details about my sexual appetites with those not in my circle. Instead I will look at them and say "You know......there is so much more to it than that." At which point I begin my discussion of how foreign vanilla relationships are to me. It always starts the same "It never ceases to amaze me......."
And so it begins........
Every aspect of our adult lives include rules, education, penalty and atonement. When we go to apply for our Driver's license we have to study the rules of the road. We are tested on our comprehension. Our physical ability to drive, park, use turn signals, etc. is documented. There are penalties if we are caught driving outside those perimeters. Sometimes we can pay fines, go to classes (reeducation), etc. to atone for our misdeeds. Every 4 years we have to go and be tested to renew our driving permits. It is an ongoing process.
When we go to apply for a job, we are told what the details of the job are. We are educated in the aspects we do not know. Our progress is monitored and recorded. We are told what is expected of us and how we are to be evaluated accordingly. There are penalties when we cannot either learn the task at hand......or do not perform to a level of satisfaction predetermined. We are continuously educated and our abilities are forever expanding, and hopefully....we become more proficient over time. If not, we are directed to another source of employment where the cycle begins again.
Even being a US Citizen comes with basic rights, responsibilities and a code of conduct. If we breach those rules of conduct, we can be fined, imprisoned, or sentenced to have our behavior actively monitored.
My point is......every aspect of our daily interaction with other people, our bank accounts, our Internet, driving, group memberships ... virtually everything...comes with KNOWN rules and expectations of behavior. And yet, when I talk about imposing rules, responsibilities, training and penalty into the MOST important relationship in my life........I am looked at like I just stepped off a spaceship and I am talking about a completely foreign concept! (I will usually pause here and laugh)
Tell me.....how many times have you ever been blasted by a partner...for something you didn't even know was your job?! How many times did you think you were helping only to get blasted because it wasn't your job?! Who knew? Did you ever discuss it? Did you ever actively sit down and say......this is your responsibility, this is mine...etc? No! «laughs» Instead both of you try and do everything and blame each other when things don't get done. Of course you know what their job SHOULD be...and you know what they should be doing....and you judge them accordingly...you just keep it a secret from the one person that needs to know. And vice versa.
When was the last time you, or your partner, ever sat across from each other (outside of an argument) and discussed the relationship? Where is it doing well? Which areas need work? How can it be improved for the betterment of both of you? My guess would be never. The way I see it....the most extensive evaluation that happens in a vanilla relationship is at the end, in divorce court, where everything you ever did was WRONG! «I will pause and laugh»
I swear! «shaking my head» I don't know how you vanilla people do it. That kind of life seems so unsettled and scary. I kinda prefer my way, if you don't mind. I like knowing what is expected of me, how I am being measured and how I am living up to those expectations. I like knowing what the penalties are, and most of all, I like knowing I can make amends when I screw up. It makes my life a lot more stable. More predictable. But what really cracks me up.....
............is people like you think *I'm* crazy! LOL
Ms Sandi
_____________________________
"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg
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