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Emotional Spanking? - 5/8/2004 3:51:01 PM

PeacefulTop

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/25/2004
From: Minneapolis MN Area
Status: offline

I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for many years now,long enough to realize that it is a huge emotional continuum.

I am a Male Switch with one very basic problem...I don't believe in Polyamory.

I struggle daily, not with "gender confusion", but with the stark reality that ONLY females can ever get away with askng for a purely nurturing or non-sexual discipline relationship.

I am a Switch today because as a Sub, I had to learn how to Top in pure self-defense. The fact that I don't play for pay or use deep humiliation works to my disadvantage.

My own fantasies are purely Lost Schoolboy...no gender-bending, no seduction, no cruelty or Amazon Worship are involved. I do adore rituals and being of service, but not because of any ties to Female Supremacy.

After years of frustration, and experiences from all over the BDSM continuum, I have decided to start my own group for the purposes of incorporating Domestic Discipline at all levels into a consciously high-nurture lifestyle.

This is my vision for the new family called PEACEFUL DREAMS.

Is anyone interested? If not, why not? ALL replies answered with courtesy and respect

Post #: 1

RE: Emotional Spanking? - 5/8/2004 7:50:38 PM

topcat

Posts: 1013
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Long Island
Status: offline

M. Peaceful-

quote:

I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for many years now,long enough to realize that it is a huge emotional continuum.

I'd go a bit further than that my self- I don't believe there is a 'lifestyle', a grand unified "scene" that's out there somewhere. IMO, 'The Scene' begins and ends within my own skull, and I might find, if lucky, some others whose 'scene' overlaps mine to some degree. As Milady Carolyn used to say back in the dark ages of 12b- AFC ('another fuckin' continuum').

quote:

I struggle daily, not with "gender confusion", but with the stark reality that ONLY females can ever get away with askng for a purely nurturing or non-sexual discipline relationship.

I'd have to argue with that- My first beyond the bedroom explorations of this stuff were guided (and nutured) by M. Thom, who respected my 'Breederbrain' (his term) while topping me most Masterfully. In my few relationships with male bottoms or submissives, I would say that I am as nuturing as I am in my realtions with female submissives or bottoms. This is to some extent a facet of my self- as a Marine Corps NCO, I was often refered to by my troops as "Sgt. Mom".

I also Know several female dominants (non-pro as well as pro) who's style is often non sexual, nutureing discipline.

quote:

My own fantasies are purely Lost Schoolboy...

Could you Expand on this? It seems evocotive, but I am not sure exactly of what.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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-there is no remission without blood-

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Post #: 2

RE: Emotional Spanking? - 5/8/2004 10:44:46 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

ohhh Topcat
how I do so adore
the emotional
rollercoaster you
take My mindful
muse on.... I can
allmost vision your
training to where
You are today......

Peaceful Top
Your own choice
to bottom from the
Top is not as unusual
as You think and it
sounds simply as tho
You just have not found
the *One to compliment
this position You live in
that is all. There are
those out there whom
can and do seek what
You desire and usually
the type You discribe
I tend to see in the
Taboo Family chat rooms
more then the BDSM
ones or D/s which do tend
to be the more S/m
type Dom/mes. Good
luck in Your prospects.

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Post #: 3

Emotional Spanking?: RE to Topcat - 5/9/2004 12:05:43 PM

PeacefulTop

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/25/2004
From: Minneapolis MN Area
Status: offline

Thank you, Topcat, I will be glad to "expand" on the "evocative" comment.

What I meant was, there is a frequent theme among interested spankers that goes something like this: In the percieved absence, abandonment, or plain ignorance of a maternal bond, a confused boy who has been "acting out" or failing in school etc. in ways he recognizes are wrong, but feels powerless to stop on his own, is suddenly given an "unwanted" opportunity to "get straightened out" by the Over-The-Knee guidance of an Auntie/Mother Surrogate, in a continuing relationship with the implication that it is possible to "grow beyond" the need for such spankings...but only by demonstrated emotional development between the parties, not by arbitrary binding to "age limits."

The assumption of the fantasy, in my case, is NOT directly erotic...in fact I strongly resented that cathexis or connection for a long time. I like to use Power Exchange as a medium for emotional and spiritual development...but my views on sex and sexuality are essentially "conventional" monogamy, so I find it difficult to express myself in an erotically charged atmosphere.

I won't bother to detail the ways the fantasy mirrors RL nurture needs and so forth on a public board, but I hope that clarifies things. My basic question is, is it possible to develop a group for people who recognize these nurture gaps and so forth, and be deliberate about using consensual regression play to fill them, without reference to polyamorous situations? Or is my position so rare as to not be worth the time or effort?

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 4

RE: Emotional Spanking?: RE to Topcat - 5/10/2004 5:05:59 PM

topcat

Posts: 1013
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Long Island
Status: offline

M. Peaceful-

Actually sounds very lovely to me- powerful, deep, and touching. I do know some who's Dynamic would be very close to this, and I would imagine that you may find it attractive to many people.

Good Luck in your search.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to PeacefulTop)

Post #: 5

RE: Emotional Spanking?: RE to Topcat - 5/11/2004 4:31:56 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

PeacefulTop:

As you describe spanking here I am reminded of what I've heard termed "Spanking Purists." Your ideal seems to parallel those that I know that consider themselves spanking purists. Many of them see spanking as part of a domestic discipline dynamic that has little or nothing to do with BDSM. I've known a number of people who preferred their spanking to be completely removed from any BDSM trappings.

Are you familiar with this term, "Spanking Purist"?

I'm quite sure there are other groups out there who feel similarly to you. I'm afraid, however, that I am not a spankophile so I have not kept my finger to the pulse of these groups. If I run across one or two I'll post some links for you.

Good luck getting your group started. I'd bet you won't have any trouble with it.

_____________________________

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In honor of the impending ski season: If you're not livin' on the edge you're takin' up too much space!

(in reply to PeacefulTop)

Post #: 6

Enotional Spanking - 5/11/2004 10:06:07 AM

PeacefulTop

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/25/2004
From: Minneapolis MN Area
Status: offline

"Spanking Purist" is a term I have not heard before...and I thought I was pretty well in touch with the Spanko and Ageplay communities...at least until I got myself blacklisted from both Margaret Davis's Spanking Club of New York, and Submiss/Guardian Island. I even used to know some delphi forums for Christian practitioners of DD, but I kept a low profile there, as unmarried malesubs were often seen as "godless heretics who favored Neopagan witchcraft" etc, etc.

BTW isn't "male nor female" included with the passage detaling our Christian liberties/bondservanthood? THAT would make a strictly Maledom perspective on DD just as extrabiblical as opressing Eve's Daughters as the exclusive perveyors of Original Sin... :-)

Anyhow, any such links you may find will be of considerable help.

With thanks and Warmest Respects,
PeacefulTop, once AKA Caspian.

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 7

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/14/2004 1:58:16 AM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

I'm one of those that doesn't dominate to get sexual stimulation. In fact - it simply isn't even a factor in my play on any level at all for me - so any submissive seeking that is automatically not compatible with me.

I get shit all the time because I don't get off or get turned on or get hot or what-have-you when I dominate. <shrug>

Fact remains - that for me - domination does not give me sexual pleasure, and is not even remotely the reason why I do it, or am drawn to do it, or why i identify with that power identification.

If folks can't handle that - that's their baggage, not mine. lol

I know I'm not alone in that, and eventually I'll find those that relate to that.

I'd say that you weren't alone, and that you will find that out more and more as time goes by.

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 8

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/16/2004 12:29:23 PM

PeacefulTop

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/25/2004
From: Minneapolis MN Area
Status: offline

Fascinating...If you don't mind the question, M. Shade...what IS your main emotional payoff in dong power exchange?

I ask because one of mine is so intricately tied up with "peoplewatching," and because the honesty of such an adnission seems rare enough that I can see how it might create endlesss confusion, so the reality would be quite enlightening. Always an excellent idea to scare off the terminally stupid as soon as possible, yes? :-)

with Warmest Respects,
PeacefulTop

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 9

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/17/2004 12:28:19 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I'm one of those that doesn't dominate to get sexual stimulation. In fact - it simply isn't even a factor in my play on any level at all for me - so any submissive seeking that is automatically not compatible with me.

I get shit all the time because I don't get off or get turned on or get hot or what-have-you when I dominate. <shrug>

Fact remains - that for me - domination does not give me sexual pleasure, and is not even remotely the reason why I do it, or am drawn to do it, or why i identify with that power identification.

If folks can't handle that - that's their baggage, not mine. lol

I know I'm not alone in that, and eventually I'll find those that relate to that.

I'd say that you weren't alone, and that you will find that out more and more as time goes by.

~ShadeDiva

I have to agree with this on a number of levels. I am not a sadist. I taught martial arts for years and know how to dish out pain. Mr. Tiny doesnt jump to attention every time I tie up my submissive and do things to cause her pain.

However, the look in her eyes and on her face and the sensations in her skin as I run my fingers lightly across her reddened behind cause an almost transcendant mental state / peak experience for me. I have difficulty describing it, I love the hell out of sex, but I dont really see my bdsm activities as having a sexual basis. Apart from the fact that everything in life, to me, has a sexual basis.

Sinergy

_____________________________

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"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to PeacefulTop)

Post #: 10

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/20/2004 8:30:47 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeacefulTop
Fascinating...If you don't mind the question, M. Shade...what IS your main emotional payoff in dong power exchange?

Why the power of course. *smile*

Im a power freak. I rush off it. I get a surge of satisfaction and glow and a charge - an actual energtic charge - when I am being given power to play with as I see fit, or not.

I find the need to mix up sexual stimulation with domination to be puzzling and sometimes of interest, myself.

For me, being turned on would be a total distraction - there's no way I'd be paying full attention to what I was doing if I was getting all hot and bothered - and I hear folks say they orgasm while dominating and that just trips me out - there is NO way I'd be as tuned in as I am if I was having orgasms, and frankly if someone was getting off wile they were topping *me* I'd be freaked out! LOL!

I mean I'd be all: "hello ... here I am, you had better be paying full 100% attention on what the fuck you are doing to my body - thank you very much!" hehe

And maybe people have less intense orgasms than I do, because there ain't NO way in hell if *I* was having one of those that I'd be able to focus on how hard I'm flogging or caning, or how deep I'm piercing, etc.

I prefer to be in control at ALL times while dominating, and I simply do not see having an orgasm as being in control, in fact I see it as the exact opposite - you are releasing control to experience that, IMO.

Not a popular stance, but then I am usually the odd duck anyway LOL!

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 11

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/20/2004 8:51:34 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I have to agree with this on a number of levels. I am not a sadist. I taught martial arts for years and know how to dish out pain. Mr. Tiny doesnt jump to attention every time I tie up my submissive and do things to cause her pain.

However, the look in her eyes and on her face and the sensations in her skin as I run my fingers lightly across her reddened behind cause an almost transcendant mental state / peak experience for me. I have difficulty describing it, I love the hell out of sex, but I dont really see my bdsm activities as having a sexual basis. Apart from the fact that everything in life, to me, has a sexual basis.

Sinergy

Well now, see I'd disagree with that. I AM a sadist - and a fucking wicked and mean one at that - just in a *good* way! *chortle*

And you might not like the label but I'd apply thsat liberally to you as well, you would be a sadist in my eyes, 100%.

This is why I say *mixed up* when I say I am puzzled why sex gets mixed up in either domination or various words.

To receive sexual stimulation or gratification from sadistic acyts is NOT the *only* definition of the woird sadist - it's just the one that most folks seem hell bent on thinking about when they hear the word. Most of that is because the majoproty of people don't know all the things that the terms and words they use actually *mean* and they get stuck on *one* variation and don't take the time or energy to remember how malleable and varied our words that we so casually toss around *are*.

Case in point:

Main Entry: sa·dism
Pronunciation: 'sA-"di-z&m, 'sa-
Function: noun
Etymology: International Scientific Vocabulary, from Marquis de Sade
Date: 1888
1 : a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object); compare MASOCHISM
2 a : delight in cruelty b : excessive cruelty

So you see, the mere fact that you respond in a positive manner to her expressions or indictations of feeling any kind of pain, do in fact, in MY little book, make you a sadist 100%.

That being said, there are levels to one's sadisticness and nature, being a sadist doesn't mean you are wanting to hear gut wrenching howls of agony (though yanno ... in the *right* setting with the *right* person* that could be intriguing I'm sure, LOL!), even if you enjoy making them uncomfortable that is sadistic, IMO. Hell I think folks are mental sadists, those are the folks that lovvvvvve to keep folks off balance, on their toes, and not sure what's gonna happen next! Yup! That's right! All you folks that love mind fucks are in MY opinion, a form and type of mental sadist! tee hee!

As for sex and BDSM, I see it as this:

BDSM for me, is NOT about sex at all. It has sexual undercurrents and undertones that course throughout it and are entwined, yes, but that is merely an underscoring of the actual power dynamics taking place it is more a manner for us to see in a tangiable manner the act that is taking place rather than the sole defining force of it. It is a piece, but not the whole. Being sexual does not automatically equate getting off or turned on or sexually stimulatedbut it does help to highlight and underscore the actual surrendering and the accepting of power that is going on, and can be used as a tool to promote, encourage and used to show how far reaching the power is that they have just given over to you.

For me, to make it all about sex would lessen it's intensity and spirituality considerably to the point I doubt I would have much interest in it. Sexuality is a powerful tool and trigger, but I firmly believe humans are far more about sex, they simply seem to be more confortable limiting themselves to making most things be about and revolve around sex.

Then again, I am DEFINITELY not wired like most folks. lol. I don't see sex like 99% of humans do, nor do I understand why people put so much emphasis and weight on it. I enjoy sex as much as anyone else, but I refuse to let that define me or make my decisions for me or control me as an adult sentient human.

If I'm going to say I'm a sentient being then I damn well better act like it I suppose is my deal. And yeah, I've never been someone to say I was so in lust or so turned on that I knew I shouldn't do *it* (whatever *it* might be). I simply refuse to allow myself that excuse for making a stupid decision. Same thing for being drunk or what have you. If I'm going to be stupid, then I will be damn honest with myself that I am CHOOSING to be stupid. LOL!

Again I'm just not wired like most folks seem to be. Needless to say I was a strange teenager LOL!

Wait, I'm STILL strange, LMAO!

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 12

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/20/2004 11:15:15 PM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

you are not strange Shade, just pleasantly kinky

< Message edited by Thanatosian -- 5/21/2004 2:16:15 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/20/2004 11:42:26 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

HEY!!!

I am TOO strange!!

<stomps foot and sulks>

LOL

You say strange like it's a *bad* thing!

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 14

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/21/2004 12:21:53 AM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva

HEY!!!

I am TOO strange!!

<stomps foot and sulks>

LOL

You say strange like it's a *bad* thing!

~ShadeDiva

To borrow a page from your book

Main Entry: strange
Pronunciation: 'strAnj
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): strang·er; strang·est
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French estrange, from Latin extraneus, literally, external, from extra outside —more at EXTRA-
Date: 13th century
1 a : archaic : of, relating to, or characteristic of another country : FOREIGN b : not native to or naturally belonging in a place : of external origin, kind, or character
2 : not before known, heard, or seen : UNFAMILIAR
3 a : discouraging familiarities : RESERVED, DISTANT b : ILL AT EASE
4 : UNACCUSTOMED 2 <she was strange to his ways>
5 : having the quantum characteristic of strangeness <strange quark> <strange particle>

1. Does not apply - you definately belong here (both collarme and the lifestyle community)
2. you have been known heard and seen here before
3. a; you dont seem reserved or distant: b; nor do you seem ill at ease
4. you have plenty of experience so you are not unaccustomed in the lifestyle
5. not applicable

so, hoisted by your own petard, you are not strange - although many of its synonyms may apply (not only to you but to all of us here)

< Message edited by Thanatosian -- 5/21/2004 3:23:23 AM >

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Post #: 15

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/21/2004 5:00:55 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

And you might not like the label but I'd apply thsat liberally to you as well, you would be a sadist in my eyes, 100%.

I stand corrected ;)

Sinergy

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Post #: 16

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/22/2004 9:00:09 AM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

heheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lookie you go!

Alas... you'd didn't read the *entire* definition poor chap!

You forgot the *end*:

synonyms STRANGE, SINGULAR, UNIQUE, PECULIAR, ECCENTRIC, ERRATIC, ODD, QUEER, QUAINT, OUTLANDISH mean departing from what is ordinary, usual, or to be expected.

STRANGE stresses unfamiliarity and may apply to the foreign, the unnatural, the unaccountable <a journey filled with strange sights>.

SINGULAR suggests individuality or puzzling strangeness <a singular feeling of impending disaster>.

UNIQUE implies singularity and the fact of being without a known parallel <a career unique in the annals of science>.

PECULIAR implies a marked distinctiveness <the peculiar status of America's first lady>.

ECCENTRIC suggests a wide divergence from the usual or normal especially in behavior <the eccentric eating habits of preschoolers>.

ERRATIC stresses a capricious and unpredictable wandering or deviating <a friend's suddenly erratic behavior>.

ODD applies to a departure from the regular or expected <an odd sense of humor>.

QUEER suggests a dubious sometimes sinister oddness <queer happenings offering no ready explanation>.

QUAINT suggests an old-fashioned but pleasant oddness <a quaint fishing village>.

OUTLANDISH applies to what is uncouth, bizarre, or barbaric <the outlandish getups of heavy metal bands>.

And most of those puppies are easily and accurately describing various facets of my state of being LOL.

Or not.

hehehe

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 17

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/22/2004 9:53:31 PM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

I did say many of the synonyms would apply not only to you but to many/all of us here

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Post #: 18

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/22/2004 10:00:52 PM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

I will admit to cheating, however, and omitting the second part of definition 2:

2 a : not before known, heard, or seen : UNFAMILIAR ; b : exciting wonder or awe : EXTRAORDINARY

as I am quite sure you excite wonder and awe and are extraodinary - but that would not have helped my argument so I kinda waffled a bit

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Post #: 19

RE: Enotional Spanking - 5/23/2004 2:58:49 AM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AHA!

CAUGHT YOU!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

fibber.

*chortle*

~ShadeDiva

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Post #: 20

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