D/d free - verification?

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D/d free - verification? - 8/14/2005 6:32:35 PM

hardbodysub

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Joined: 8/7/2005
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I'm currently completely drug and disease free and want very much to remain that way. As I begin to get involved in real life BDSM activities, including intimate contact such as oral sexual service to a domme who has more than one sub, I am concerned, perhaps even paranoid, about the potential risk of contracting an STD.

I can't imagine her having me use a dental dam - and I doubt that that would do any good against herpes anyway, since a condom is no protection there. And of course, there are much worse things out there than herpes these days.

Does anyone have any advice regarding ensuring/verifying that my partner(s) are as disease free as I am? Should I insist on seeing test results? What tests are done, and where are they easily obtained? Has any sub broached this subject with your potential domme, and if so how did you do it?

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/14/2005 8:13:27 PM

Ojedieu

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Does anyone have any advice regarding ensuring/verifying that my partner(s) are as disease free as I am? Should I insist on seeing test results? What tests are done, and where are they easily obtained? Has any sub broached this subject with your potential domme, and if so how did you do it?

I completely understand your paranoia. If you are concerned about it, you shouldn't ignore that concern just because you think your potential partner might see you as being overly-cautious or worse, accusatory. Most level-headed people will understand your concern and be willing to work with you to come up with a solution that would make both of you feel better. If someone harasses you because of your fears, then that is not someone you should be with anyway. However, I think you should always approach it as something that would be good for both of you to know about the other -- in other words, don't just ask them to get tested and give you the results -- you volunteer to do the same for them. That way it's not taken as you pointing a hypothetical finger and yelling "Slut!" (in the not-good way)

I'm sure there are other resources out there as well which would tell you what tests to have, but you could always look for a scene-friendly doc at Kink Aware Professionals. If you're lucky, you may be able to find a provider in your area whom you would feel comfortable asking these questions of and having them perform the tests for you.

Good luck!

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/14/2005 8:19:12 PM

mossy

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i also am completely drug and disease free and plan on staying that way too, i pray.
Yet after remaining "play and sex free" for 4 years, that was easy to do. Now that i will be returning to the D/s "dating-scening-field" will i be able to keep myself safe? Yes....
hardbodysub...i am with you!!!

So i did not reply to answer your question but to join you. Adding, i have my copies of my tests handy, so far of the 7 male Dominants i have asked for test results, that i had been thinking of possibly meeting with? Only the original ONE who first had asked me to "get my" 4 yr. old tests made current, had His. i so far have met none of them. Perhaps it may be another 4 yrs. for mossy

and one person tried to tell me he only had unprotected sex with his ex twice after they broke up,,,so there was nothing to worry about he was sure of it.

Needless to say i wrote and told him we would not be meeting a first time or ever....

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/14/2005 8:59:24 PM

ragdoll

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Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
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i'm really glad to see this question here... 'cause i feel like sooner or later i'd have to ask it myself... ~~ i'm sorta new to this all.. definitely new to "real life" stuff... and i've wondered if it's appropriate to ask someone to get "tested".

see.. i know i'm disease free because i haven't had sex (i'm not a virgin - crap happened when i was under the age of 10 - but other than that i'm a virgin)... and i'd want to make sure anyone i had sex with was disease free too, since i'd like to stay disease free forever!!

^_^

so anyway! thanks for bringing this question to the table, hardbodysub!

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/14/2005 9:31:28 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Does anyone have any advice regarding ensuring/verifying that my partner(s) are as disease free as I am? Should I insist on seeing test results? What tests are done, and where are they easily obtained? Has any sub broached this subject with your potential domme, and if so how did you do it?

If you want to be sure then yes you should absolutely request to see a recent screening results as well as a follow up one in a few months.

There are a few tests to be done, talk with the testing center/gyno to figure out which, a general blood screening can take care of the large majority of them.

I can't imagine any responsible sexually active relationship NOT discussing it. I find the best way to bring it up is at a calm time, like wathcing TV or just chilling out and start the topic directly "Hey I was thinking we should talk about protecting ourselves and what we want to do about safe sex" and go from there.

Practice makes perfect. I applaud you for wanting to educate yourself and decide what risks are ok and not ok for you.

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/15/2005 10:22:12 PM

boynicholas

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The big STDs are:

HIV – blood test mostly
Hep B and C – blood tests, but you should have gotten your hep B and A immunizations anyway
Herpes (1 and 2) – there is a blood antibody test for this, but its not the most useful of assays.... best bet is honestly ask if the person's ever had symptoms. And BTW, you can get 1 where 2 should be and vice versa. So if you are going to be performing oral sex, and you have cold sores (or a history of getting them) you could give your Domme a not so nice present.
Syphillis – Making a comeback. Best test is an RPR, but VDRL is done by some because it is cheaper... but its not quite as good a test. It stands for Venereal Disease Research Lab test, but people nick-name it Very Doubtful RL.
Gonorrhea and Chlamydia – Test is done during most screening pelvic exams. You can also test for chlamydia in the urine. Though while many men with these are without symptoms, most women do have some symptoms. You can these (especially gonorrhea) via oral sex as a pharyngitis (kinda like strep throat.) The most important thing is if you are doing oral sex and get a sore throat... when you go into see the Dr, fess up.
Trich.... but I've never heard of anyone getting an oral version.
HPV – not totally well studied, but 2 of the bad actors that cause cervical cancer are actually linked with oral cancer. However, if you don't use tobacco or excessively drink, you are probably not going to have a problem. The vast majority of oral cancers are linked to those two... not HPV 16 and 18.

Though the good news.... few of these are going to be an issue if you are going down on a woman. Nothing is perfectly safe, but that's very low risk for all but: Herpes, Gonorrhea and chlamydia, and HPV (but we don't know whether there is really a link there.) You can also get the blood born diseases if you have cuts in your mouth, but this is not nearly as high a risk.

Best lie to get her gyn to test her for everything under the sun? I got an email from this guy who was a sex partner of mine 3 months ago and he said he was exposed to an STD... I dunno which kind. Though to be honest I have the request: 'I'm starting with a new partner and I wanna get checked' fairly often... that's not going to raise any eyebrows. If she does not have insurance and you want to do it cheaply, try planned parenthood or the local health department.

Nick

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/16/2005 4:45:52 PM

proudsub

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quote:

HPV – not totally well studied, but 2 of the bad actors that cause cervical cancer are actually linked with oral cancer. However, if you don't use tobacco or excessively drink, you are probably not going to have a problem. The vast majority of oral cancers are linked to those two... not HPV 16 and 18.

I have a couple of questions for Nick about HPV, which i haven't been able to find the answers to:

For the non wart varieties of HPV is there any test for men?

How safe is anal sex for the man if the woman has HPV?

Thanks.

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/16/2005 4:46:23 PM

wednesday

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I insist on paperwork. And I insist on it being in my hands, so I can read it myself. If I am in the early stages of a relationship, there's no way I'm just taking someone's word for it.

For someone with a good sense of humor, going to Planned Parenthood together can be a good experience. Then the field is even, you're BOTH being tested, and no one has to feel like someone is pointing fingers or saying "you seem more likely to be diseased than me."

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/20/2005 5:59:26 PM

boynicholas

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The last I heard they were doing some research on HPV strain testing for men, but I don't think there is a commercially available test. And the one you do with a pap wouldn't work for a man.

The deal is there are like a gazillion HPV strains. A few cause warts. A few cause cervical cancer (and these are probably associated with penile cancer too.) We only test for the bad actors with regard to cervical cancer... 16, 18, a few more. So your pap can come up negative for HPV and while you have half a pound of genital warts hanging off your ass. Basically, the HPV test is only really useful for assessing a woman's risk for developing cervical cancer. And even that is only a risk stratification device.

The best indicator of someone's risk of carrying multiple HPV strains is how much nookie they get (# of partners) and looking to see if there is anything that looks like cauliflower hanging off the nether parts. If I saw the later, I'd pass.

With regard to seeing 'papers in your hand', I could fake you some nice official negative looking test results in about 10 minutes with the GIMP. Personally I'd rather go with someone my spidey sense says is trustworthy.

Nick

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/21/2005 8:01:58 PM

Sweeticing

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Paperwork is important. You can get tested at any doc or clinic. You should be worried about std. I expect people to show me paperwork and I have no problem showing them mine. If they dont want to get tested then go elseware. I would also like to say you really shouldnt have a large range of people you play with the more you are with the higher your risk is. also you should have a really good relationship to say ok let me know if you are messing with anyone else so you can see paper work on that person as well. as you see it can get lenghty so sticking with a few regs help

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/21/2005 8:40:52 PM

MstrssPassion

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I see nothing wrong with asking a potential partner to produce papers showing a clean bill of health. Tests are relatively inexpensive & often offered for free at many locations. One just needs to do a little research to locate free screening clinics.

I have made it a practice to ask potential partners for documents. I have also been tested regularly since as far back as 1986 when I found out a sex partner had experimented with certain drugs. I was tested every six months for about 5 yrs after that & every year since. One scare was enough for me.

Looking out for your personal safety is a good thing, especially when we are talking about consequences that could be life altering.

MstrssPassion

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RE: D/d free - verification? - 8/22/2005 12:17:34 AM

boynicholas

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Hmmm.... I think I was read wrong. I didn't mean to suggest that you not get tested, or that you not request a new partner get tested. What I said was do not depend on a piece of paper to tell you that they are negative. (A piece of paper that can be readily duplicated with a laser printer.)

If you are sexually active you should be tested for STDs regularly. Of course what defines regular is determined by how much you are actually getting. ;)

Nick

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