Can you be Dommed while not realizing it?

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Can you be Dommed while not realizing it?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> Can you be Dommed while not realizing it?

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Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 9:21:21 AM

darchart

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Can someone dom you without you being aware of it? Absolutely nothing sexual in your relationship but you notice he does expect you to do things he asks of you and there is a type of reward/punishment to it. Now understand this is NOT a sexual relationship but someone points out certain trends and you begin to feel a bit dommed.
Can you be dommed without noticing? Or is your friend just reading things into it that arent there and you have suddenly bought into the premise?

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RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 9:45:31 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Can someone dom you without you being aware of it? Absolutely nothing sexual in your relationship but you notice he does expect you to do things he asks of you and there is a type of reward/punishment to it. Now understand this is NOT a sexual relationship but someone points out certain trends and you begin to feel a bit dommed.
Can you be dommed without noticing? Or is your friend just reading things into it that arent there and you have suddenly bought into the premise?

Hello,

Im not sure I call it Domming, but I have trained lots of animals, and taught lots of kids and adults how to do lots of things.

There is a psychology to control of other people.

Subtlety is the key. Ask them to do small tasks for you (mind putting that book away for me please?) and eventually they get used to doing what you ask them to do. Be consistent. Be nice, be respectful, but be firm and make sure the person does what you are asking them to when you ask them to do it.

If they start screaming "Dont Dom me" it is probably time to end the training session for that day, or ask them to go to lunch or do something else or even ask them to leave you alone for a while. The trick is to get them used to and comfortable with doing what you ask them to do.

While I dont specifically have much interest in controlling other people, oddly enough, I have been told on numerous occaisions that I do it almost naturally. I once convinced an entire project and the government contract office at a company I worked for to do something my way, through countless uneducated proposals to the contrary, and 8 years later we got a huge contract bonus for doing it my way.

It is not what you do, it is how you do it that counts.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 2

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 9:55:17 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

I've heard rumors that I Domme everyone. There is a 17 year old boy that hangs around here all the time, and I will put him to work. If I walk through and see things that require doing, and people sitting around, I will delegate tasks. When I walk through again I expect to see the tasks completed to my satisfaction, or people busy toward that goal.

Like Sinergy, I don't have much interest in controlling other people (all the time) either, however it seems to occur naturally. Sex not included.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 3

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 10:15:23 AM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think you have answered your own question. It seems as if you are noticing this person " Domming " you, so I guess it means you can't " Dom " someone without them noticing.

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 4

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 12:40:59 PM

topcat

Posts: 1013
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Long Island
Status: offline

Midear Darc-

Sure- If you are doing it right, the subject will never become aware of the fact the you have assumed a dominat role in your interaction. It's really the basis of any interaction on some level. Humans seek hirarchies, and we all place ourselves at one point or another within them.

It's funny that you wanted to make it clear that this is not a sexual situation, as though dominance and submission where things that were invented for sex.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

< Message edited by topcat -- 8/14/2004 12:42:00 PM >

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 5

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 2:06:17 PM

feline

Posts: 804
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: GA
Status: offline

LMAO! I can't believe you brought this to the boards. First of all, your not playing fair. There are things you have left out that those answering this should know.

Like . . . there is an obvious attraction between the two. Even if she is in denial, you can hear it in her voice.

He at the same time feels the need to protect her and keep her from harm. Even to the point of going to someone personally who was "stalking" her online. He gives her tasks and time limits. Things she goes about doing willingly and without question. And when she doesn't finsh, she finds herself punished in one way or another. She also feels the need to apoligize and explain why things weren't finished. I KNOW all the details of this "relationship" that has been going on for 3(?) years. And just like Lawerence, more or less, said D/s is not about sex.

And the major point of the day . . . . . he admitted it! With a statement he made to her.

Of course this isn't everything, but I think it's enough. So I rest my case. LOL

I love ya Darc! ( even if you do like to play DB)

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_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~
Property of Master Anthony

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RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 2:21:20 PM

darchart

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

He didnt admit anything. And truthfully it never occured to me that he was domming me unto Feline pointed it out. (I am still not sure this is the case). I jokingly said something to him after Feline raised the question in my mind and he told me A good dom could do it and you would never be aware of it.
Feline..That is not admitting to it.. exactly.

(in reply to feline)

Post #: 7

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 2:49:51 PM

feline

Posts: 804
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: GA
Status: offline

Ok, ok, ok . . . . . if you wish to be in denial darlin' I'm willing to leave you there. LMEAO!

But first, *weg* let me make a couple of points here;

"And truthfully it never occured to me that he was domming me unto Feline pointed it out."

"he told me A good dom could do it and you would never be aware of it."

Again, I rest my case.

(wonders if maybe we should make this into a poll hhmmm)

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_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~
Property of Master Anthony

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 8

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 3:01:48 PM

starshine

Posts: 42
Joined: 7/28/2004
From: London
Status: offline

While not strictly the same... my last "boyfriend" (yes it was allegedly vanilla) definitely Dommed me. Its only since we've split and I've *discovered* BDSM that a lot of his actions are now making sense.

I just wonder if he knows.... he certainly never mentioned it, apart from shoving Story of O parts I and II under my nose. Oh, you mean I was supposed to realise from that? Ah well, its his loss now and someone else's gain.. tra la la

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Leave home earlier - live another day!

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Post #: 9

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 5:32:23 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

No.

If, say MistressX lived downstairs and told me to sweep the hallway I'd tell her that I pay the same freaking amount in rent that she does. If they need it I'll sweep the stairs to my second floor and leave the hallway only she usess for the gosh darn freaking queen.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 10

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/14/2004 7:25:27 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

No.

If, say MistressX lived downstairs and told me to sweep the hallway I'd tell her that I pay the same freaking amount in rent that she does. If they need it I'll sweep the stairs to my second floor and leave the hallway only she usess for the gosh darn freaking queen.

My usual response is "My contract rate is $200.00 / hour with a four hour minimum" and if they insist, I have somebody else witness the transaction, I send them a bill AND sue them in small claims if they dont pay it.

*innocent look*

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 11

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/15/2004 12:49:29 PM

danae

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshine

I just wonder if he knows.... he certainly never mentioned it, apart from shoving Story of O parts I and II under my nose. Oh, you mean I was supposed to realise from that? Ah well, its his loss now and someone else's gain.. tra la la[/color]

There is some similarity to my experience, though the results are difference. I was told he wanted me to read the Story of O, and was pleased that I picked it up the next day (but I'm a reader, lol.) Vanilla me found some of it hot, and some of it ridiculous, and had no clue that he was taking my temperature, so to speak, from our discussions of my reaction to the book. I am definitely not vanilla anymore, but *he* brought the realization to me. Lucky me! It will be the 4th anniversary of my collaring next month.

danae

(in reply to starshine)

Post #: 12

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/15/2004 1:53:28 PM

starshine

Posts: 42
Joined: 7/28/2004
From: London
Status: offline

quote:

I am definitely not vanilla anymore, but *he* brought the realization to me. Lucky me! It will be the 4th anniversary of my collaring next month.

danae - I'm really pleased it worked out for you

. Perhaps if I'd had an inkling it would have worked out for me and my ex, but, he didn't press the point or mention being a Dom, just wanted to cuff and spank me.. *laughs*. If I'd known 6 months ago what I know now...

_____________________________

Leave home earlier - live another day!

(in reply to danae)

Post #: 13

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/15/2004 3:47:37 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 3834
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If you've ever been in a vanilla relationship you have either been Dominated or been Dominant.
Everyone everywhere is either Dominant or submissive. Relationships that actually work and stay together usually have one of each.
Each person is assigned a chore. Either they get it done or they pay the consequences do they not?
Just because they are not enlightened to the lifestyle doesn't mean they are not fully capable.

_____________________________

"The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 14

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/16/2004 10:19:44 AM

afmvdp

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

For lifers, it is natural to fall into a quick role of Dominance or submission. It isn't something that is thought about or not most of the times. Though in your case sexual attraction without actual sexuality comes into play but sometimes it's not even that far involved. Something as simple as a direction to a fellow emloyee seperates a Dominant personality from a submissive one.

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 15

RE: Can you be Dommed while not realizing it? - 8/17/2004 11:33:25 PM

Jade4Wings

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

Sure, if the Dom knows what he is doing and is a 'true Dom" any Dom can that you come in contact with.
this one has not been in this l/s long but knows she can be bewildered by the Doms she seeks.

(in reply to darchart)

Post #: 16

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