Suleiman
Posts: 543
Joined: 9/9/2004
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Let me see if I can offer my point of view. My apologies if my language becomes a bit brusque, but you have asked a great many questions, and I do not have the luxury of a highly detailed answer for each point.
1) My first knee-jerk reaction to this (and partly why I avoided this question at first, since I couldn't find a polite response) was that it reminded me of the teenage boys who would mockingly ask my mother and her wife, "which one of you is the man?" It is a valid question, I realise, but that was still the immediate, visceral reaction that I had to it. Moving on, switches are not "dominant for a day". We are switches. Some times we top, some times we bottom. Typically, when with a purely dominant partner, the switch will happily bottom. With a purely submissive partner, the switch will top. If in the mood for something that a specific partner does not offer, a switch will either find an appropriate partner or do without. Obviously, being switches and not submissives, doing without is not a successful strategy for long-term relationships.
2) This is a hard one to cope with, but not so bad as when two submissives get together and take turns topping so that their partner can get some satisfaction. I knew a lovely, loving couple who were both very submissive. They would, of course, try to invite dominat play partners over so that they could both sub, but more often than not one or the other would unenthusiastically take on the dominant role for the moment. They both live for play parties. If the missus and I are both feeling subbly, we usually just cuddle. Then again, we're in a long term relationship, so we both know that we'll eventually get our turn on top and on bottom, as need, desire, and opportunity arises. Relationships are built, among other things, on compromise.
3) Wrestling match! First one to get tied up loses! (some days I play to lose. It is fun getting an attitude adjustment, and when I'm feeling subbly, I just don't have a rebellious bone in my body)
4) That depends entirely on your household, you, and the sub. I can not answer that question.
5) Yes. If you are not concerned about a person's needs, in my opinion, you probably shouldn't be doing this sort of thing with them. (yeah, yeah, I know - a dominant is supposed to be concerned about themselves first, and in many instances the sub comes second, if not last, but that's part of the realtionship, and fills a need on the part of both sub and dom, thus everybody is happy.)
6) If that is the relationship you have negotiated, that is the relationship you have negotiated.
7) Sure. Any expectation you project is bound to happen. That's a simple self-fulfilling prophesy. At some point this person is going to disagree with you, or do something you consider to be disobedient, or even just make an honest mistake, and if you are constantly worried about their "dominance" trying to assert itself, you will take this as a sure sign that they are getting ready for an open rebellion. How we percieve life is very much a question of how we filter our perceptions. There are some people I studiously avoid because, having been offended by them once, I find myself filtering every word and gesture for further offensive content. I don't want to pick a fight or make a scene, and I'm sure that there is no actual problem outside of my own mind, so it is simpler to avoid them and thereby not make an ass of myself in a public venue.
8) Can't help you there. I don't know your normal household rules.
9) Can't help you there. I'm not a telepath.
As to 24/7, I don't know. I mean, I could do 24/7 as a sub for the right person, I could do 24/7 as a dom for the right person. I would probably want to do both as part of a poly household, or else have it explicitly stated that there is some safe venue for me to put on my other party hat (like being uncollared for parties), but really I've only known switches in 24/7 relationships with other switches. Then again, I've only known bisexuals in 24/7 with other bisexuals. I live in a major metropolitan area with an active alt community, so this is a luxury we can afford ourselves.
I suppose one question that needs to be asked is, "how switchy is this person, really?" We all have our preferences, and some prefer to sub, while others prefer to top. I've some times been characterised as "too submissive to be a dominant, too opinionated to be a sub, so I must be a switch". I can go for a long time without feeling any need to assert my dominance, and I can often find ways in social settings to do so without bringing it into the bedroom. Despite this tendency, I don't top because my partner wants me to (as is the case with some submissives with switch tendencies or who have multipole slaves), I top because I enjoy it. I find partners who want me to top, I find partners who want me to bottom, and I try to make sure they enjoy their roles as much as I enjoy mine.
I hope that helps, and I hope that I did not offer any offense in the process of trying to answer all of these points.
~S
< Message edited by Suleiman -- 10/26/2004 2:28:34 PM >
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