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Bottoming from the Top


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Bottoming from the Top - 3/31/2005 1:14:15 PM   
carefulsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		I have just had my first experience woth Topping and I feel like I was bottoming from the top. I had to keep telling him and me that he asked for this , he made me do this and that is why I was using the flogger or spanking him. I know this sounds really lame but I had to make it his fault to be able to do it. I guess I need to have a certain mind set and not socialize before I do this again. I need to have a game plan.

He has said he likes servitude. What does that mean. I am a submissive I know what it means for me but I'm a women. Does it mean something different for him. What can I do to take better control next time? What kind of mind set do I need? HELP!!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 2:42:26 AM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 456
Joined: 4/1/2005
From: Edmonton AB
Status: offline 		I tested out topping once with my Mistress, but it absolutely did not work.

I guess I'm just not a top.
Plus my Mistress is in no way a bottom, she likes being payed attention to, and having all her needs met, but she gets that when topping.


(in reply to carefulsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 1:27:02 PM   
Gemeni


Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Just relax and try not to feel insecure about exploring something you are new to.

It will help you to have enough confidence later on not to get into the weak mindset so many Tops have,of needing to be in total control to feel strong. It's not so much about what you can take,as what you can share.

As far as the bottom,just be honest with him and have him explain his needs. And that he will have to work with you with as little PRESSURE from his side as possible,or he's going to blow it.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 10:12:06 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I think you just have to have fun, enjoy it. Don't pander to his wants or some grocery list of what he wants you to do. What do YOU want to do? YOU are in charge, YOU are the one making the rules, lists and whatever else. If you're doing something as a top that does not interest you stop doing it. Consider what turns you on. Do you want to boss him around, treat him like a child, or just tease him mercilessly? You have to be the top, rather than feel you are trying to fill those shoes. Skip the shoes if you want, do it barefoot, your way.

(in reply to Gemeni)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 10:14:57 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Every now and then call him a slut or whatever gives you that feeling of power over him. I love that, never fails to make me grin, though sometimes only on the inside, where he can't see.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/3/2005 9:08:51 AM   
foreverfrost


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline 		I had a sub/wife who loved to top from the bottom. It drove me crazy. She only wanted spanked and punished how and when she felt like it. For a Dom it's hair pulling..... good luck on that one.

_____________________________

Fear comes with the possibility of death. Peace comes with it's certainty

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/9/2005 7:30:45 PM   
firefey


Posts: 64
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
http://www.akashaweb.com/forwomen.html
http://www.akashaweb.com/stuck.html

all three of these are from the same web site, but they are some of the best beginning femdom/ female dominance why to's i've ever run accross. give them a good reading, and if topping just isn't your thing...that's OK!

< Message edited by firefey -- 6/9/2005 7:31:47 PM >

(in reply to foreverfrost)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/9/2005 10:24:36 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		First, you need to communicate more with anyone that you are playing with - if you don't know HIS definition of "servitude" after he's told you that's what he wants, then it is your responsibility to find out.

Second, if you are with a PYL who is maso, then when he tells you to beat him, then you are serving him - if he tells you to talk dirty to him while you're doing it, then do it and you are serving him ... if you can't do it any other way, then just keep that in the foreground of your thoughts. I know a few PYLs who are maso, and they make sure that any subs who serve them know it and that they will be expected to fullfill their needs as a maso as part of their submission. They pick subs that will take this in the manner that it is intended - which is that it is all still serving their PYL no matter who is holding the instrument of pain. It's a mindset that determines who is the PYL/pyl no matter what toys are being used by/on whomever.

*for those who don't know (and I was one of them until not long ago, so don't think that I'm being condecending or anything) PYL = pick your lable (for a Dominant), pyl = pick your lable (for a submissive)*

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 7/29/2005 1:24:01 AM   
carefulsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your suggestions. I have had a second experience and it was much different. Although Idid take it as topping for the bottom. The Dom thinks it is quite healthy to make me get out of my BOX from time to time. I did have great fun this tiem and teased him unmercifully. It was great knowing that I could somewhat take control and then lead him into taking me later.

WEG

careful

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 7/29/2005 4:16:39 PM   
MLapis


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/28/2005
Status: offline 		carefulsub, You did better then I did!!

when I was first introduced to BDSM as a submissive, a few years ago, My first attempt at Topping was a total disaster with my ex. I tried to use a flogger and I burst into tears...the thought of hitting her just totally brought fear and sadness to my mind.

I realized later I had submitted so much to Her that I could not Top her in anyway. However, I had no issues or hesitation other then fearing I might harm for lack of knowledge when I met My submissive I am with now. I doubt I could ever switch as her submissive either...w/we just naturally clicked together.

I think sometimes (esp if one may be a switch)...it depends on the persons/personalities involved. then again...many Dom/mes are Dom/me to whoever they meet...and likewise to most submissives.

The links provided above look great-thanks firefey! And there are many books available that you can order discreetly from amazon.com or other sites on line.

MLapis

(in reply to carefulsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 8/21/2005 7:16:50 AM   
diaperedbaby


Posts: 64
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline 		I quess I am topping from the bottom???
I have to be actively involved somehow in my fetish in order to be real submissive.
Not quite sure what it is called?

diaperedbaby

(in reply to MLapis)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 8/21/2005 7:09:24 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Topping from the bottom sux and really pisses me off. I kinda look at it like taking the sand from the bottom of my aquarium and trying to float it on the top...Don't work, won't work...and why try?
Although, I do pull the hotfudge at the bottom of my Sundae's up to the top...but that's different...we're talking fudge packing here!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to diaperedbaby)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/7/2005 10:53:53 PM   
carefulsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		I Must say I appreciate all the input. I was and never have topped from the bottom. I was saying My Dom wanted me to Top and boy am I horrible at it. LOL So to eleviate my problem.. I found a female Domme to Top him with me there. WEG. This worked beautifully. And he was pleasantly surprised and pleased.

careful

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/10/2005 1:59:41 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		*smile* It's amazing how often one can find ways to make things work out well in the end, no?

I was glad to see that you discovered a path and solution that worked well for all involved!

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to carefulsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/11/2005 7:28:27 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with bringing in reinforcements. Sometimes the best way to learn is first hand one on one...or two as the case may be :)

(in reply to carefulsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
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