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Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle


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Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/26/2004 10:54:30 AM   
ClassicV


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hi, I would like the opinions of female bi slaves, as to their attitude towards being part of a (MaleDom/female slaves) polyamorous household. Several have said "no thanks", but have not elaborated. I am interested in the reasons that some would reject this, and others embrace it.
Superficially, I would see this as an ideal situation, but what male would claim to understand the mind of a woman ;-)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/27/2004 6:25:48 PM   
Goodmix


Posts: 86
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		i met someone who told me that He was looking for 24/7 slaves, 4 to be exact. I do not consider myself a slave, just a sub, (i am sorry if that offends) however, slowly my interest in Him grew and i "came around" to His way of thinking. I started to be more open to the situation as He explained it. i had been to the slave house several times and was very comfortable there. It felt like home. The time came He had someone move in, and i went to meet her. She was very nice and personally i liked her a lot.
BUT, here were the problems;
previously i had a specific spot for my things, she now has ALL of those places (for clothes, at the table, and in His bed)
she was the one waiting on Him (which used to be my role)and i, i was more of a guest
although He said He was not favoring her, He told her He loved her many more times than He said it to me;
BUT the straw that broke the camels back was .... at one point, we were watching Tv and something came on that they talked about, and He turned to me and said, "Oh, that had to do with something that happened earlier in the week"
i felt like a third shoe, literally. He had assured me many many many many (get the picture) timesthat i would NEVER feel second, even to the point that He asked me "Do YOU have a favorite child?", but when the time came, i did feel second, and althought i never told Him exactly what it was, He WAS the reason i felt that way. I do not think i could be second to anyone but Him.
The day i was to go back home, He asked me what i thought, (and when i was asked, i was allowed to be honest) He got mad at me and told me it was ME. I wasn't good enough. I should get out of the lifestyle, and i was considering it.
Yahoo has a poly group that i had joined much earlier to learn more about it, and i posted the question to the group, asking if he was correct. One response was very helpful, becasue she is a Domme, and has a poly family.
i am sure this can work for some people and i am also sure it is a lot of work on the part of the Dom/me, but i think in general, women don't want to be second.
Since then i have found someome wonderful, and i would be open to a poly relationship it that is what He wanted; however, i still don't think i could be second to anyone but HIM
i appoligize if i have offended anyone these are just my thoughts

(in reply to ClassicV)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/27/2004 6:33:06 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 126
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: maryland
Status: offline 		i do not live in my Masters household but can tell you the reasons i embrace the poly lifestyle.

1. my goal is to please my Master, so if he wants other submissives then how can i tell Him no, as long everyone is open and honest about thier wants and needs. (I know my Master was poly going into the relationship.)

2. Since i do not live with my Master it helps to have a sister sub to be there and support each other when we can't be with Master.

3. Jealousy is not an issue for me since i know where i stand with Master and can always be open and honest about my feeling. As long as i voice my concerns in a respectful manner He listens and then decided what to do with them.... I am not saying that i am never jealous but he is supportive and helps me though those feelings.

4. on a selfish note... my NEED to please Him is so great that it is a lot easier to do with the help of my sister sub. It takes some of the pressure off of me. i guess that is what i get for having a Master that is like the energizer bunny.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to ClassicV)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/27/2004 7:56:35 PM   
inadazey


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline 		Basically, I don't want to be with anyone who wants or needs someone in addition to me in his life...
I could go into other things, but that's really it: if he wants another girl, i don't want him.


_____________________________

Proudly and happily owned by MasterSpydog

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/27/2004 8:26:44 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 1379
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well I can not speak for anyone but myself, but I do know why I am hesitant to try another poly relationship. After 8 years of it being just Master and myself, and after several long discussions on the topic, another girl came to stay at our house. Master had explained to her at great length just exactly what her position was to be and made it very clear to her that she was to be second girl. In the beginning things seemed perfect....looking back on it now...a bit too perfect. I was happy to have a sister that I could confide in and someone who helped share the workload with me, not to mention that Master had a smile on His face that seemed would never fade. I busied myself with trying to make her feel welcome and a real part of the family. I spent a great deal of time, at her request, teaching her the things that I knew of this lifestyle and the things that I had come to know were pleasing to Master. It was not long though before blissful paradise turned into something more of a nightmare. The "new" girl wanted to come in at the same level as I who had been there and been completely devoted for 8 years. It was not long before she became conniving and manipulative of Master, and downright rotten to me....of course never directly in front of Master. She was trying to claim the #1 spot and was not going to be happy being second girl. She made up lies about me and on several occasions tried to make me look bad to Master. For awhile it was just a huge mess. Thankfully, Master saw right through her vain attempts at pushing me out of the house and she was unsuccesful. It was not something that I was at all prepared for as I am not a jealous person by nature and did not realize just how low someone who had that particular character trait could stoop to get her way. I am by no means saying that I think poly relationships are impossible as I have many friends who have wonderful, successful relationships of that kind. I do believe however, that the personalities of those involved have to fit just right.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
erin


There are no victims here.....only volunteers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

(in reply to ClassicV)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/27/2004 11:24:35 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I'm pansexual, but would have no desire to be in a polyamorous household. My partner and I occationally include others in our play, but we personally prefer to be committed to only one person.

Sure, I'm sexually attracted to men, women, and everything in between and outside of it. However, I'm only in love with one person. I can occationally be sexual with multiple people, but again, I'm only in love with one.

I can, even as a pansexual person, be completely content with a partner of only one gender, and find that in a situation with multiple members in a relationship there are too many conflicting emotions to make it rewarding.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/29/2004 12:04:28 PM   
deannalynn


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		Warm greetings,

I have found in the past that a poly relationship rarely works. Many say, "I want this, or that," but have no idea how to obtain it. Its very hard for a person to treat all parties equal and in the end, someone ends up feeling insecure about the relationship or less. I think life is too short to be unhappy.

After being involved in past poly relationships, I just recently came to the conclusion I will avoid them at all costs. If we were kept in seperate residences, that may be something entirely different, but few could afford that.

I wouldnt hold yourself responsible, many can talk the talk, but then cant walk the walk. What man wouldnt want 4 women at his beck and call without any complications? I just think its rare that it can work with all parties happy and content. I have never met anyone that was in a long lasting poly relationship that the participants were not always changing . I imagine though, they are some.

deanna

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 12/29/2004 4:41:43 PM   
realophelia


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Eastern PA
Status: offline 		My Master is married (Dom/Domme). And I have to say honestly that jealousy hasn't been a problem for me. I had someone on another list once say that meant I wasn't involved emotionally but that's not the case.

I think that the main reason the relationship works as well as it does is because my Master makes it work. He communicates very well with me, and never makes me feel ignored or neglected. Also, his wife is always friendly and kind to me and I enjoy her company.

If another slave was involved I think I probably would have problems with jealousy. But the situation I'm in works very well.

Yours truly,
Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

http://realophelia.com/

(in reply to deannalynn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/18/2005 5:27:38 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps our situation is unique in that my owner did not come to me and say "this is how it will be". After nine years in service to him, all of which were monogamous, I mentioned the idea to him. It was something he was willing to consider exploring, and we have been very fortunate in that so far it has been wonderful (yes, there were a few blips initially, but overall, I think things have gone remarkably well) and I really can't imagine v not being in our lives.

For me, I find I really enjoy the emotional connection I have with vision. She makes me laugh...she listens...she cares, and I do the same for her. We genuinely like each other.

As for reasons why I believe some do not wish to become involved in this type of scenario....they are too numerous to count. A lot of singles don't wish to be the "hot bi babe" fulfillings someone's fantasy life. They want to be wanted for who they are...not just as someone's idea of something that is hot to be called upon when someone wants to play, but otherwise not getting to share in every day life.

Others may have insecurities in going into a previously established relationship. I think this is very prevalent in the bdsm lifestyle because so many of the owned are not given a choice in poly....their owner is poly and that's that. In those situations, I think there can be a lot of jealousy and I can see the potential for a lot of hurt and chaos.

I could go on listing reasons....but its just not for everyone, even though to me, it is the best possible outcome.

When everyone is on the same page, it can be a beautiful experience. I don't think its for the faint of heart, or for anyone who isn't able to express themselves openly over and over and over.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to realophelia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/18/2005 6:32:10 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate
A lot of singles don't wish to be the "hot bi babe" fulfillings someone's fantasy life.

No kidding! I call it being a "side of fries" to the main entree. Now, I am not the Owner's primary partner, nor am I the primary partner of other people I am involved with, but there is a distinct difference between saying "I want to build a unique and long term relationship with you in addition to the other relationships in my life" and "Hey my girl and I want to try something new and you're hot, what do you think?"

Oh yes, why don't I just rush into that situation? Base my relationship on being a booty call for a couple? Only if the money was good enough...

And unfortunately I've always been "the other woman." I got involved briefly with a couple over a year ago and it was more than perfect for the first few weeks. Then the primary's feelings came out and she started attacking ME saying I was trying to subvert her position in the relationship, trying to act like I deserved what she had earned over so many years. Of course the fact that I was only getting/being treated how her dom of so many years said I should was lost and the fact that I had no idea before this blow-up that she felt anything but happiness over what was going on (hey women are my blind spot).

Oh goodness it gets messy!

The fact is that just because someone is bi doesn't mean they are going to be attracted to any female chunk of meat put in front of them. I have very different relationships with each of the Owners other subs and personally hate the term "sister" used in poly.

It really comes down to knowing what you want, realistically understanding how that will work and dealing with it. Most people totally fuck up poly the first time they try it out...but then most people usually fuck up monogamy the first time they try it out too.

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/18/2005 7:37:10 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I also think it is key for everyone involved to *want* the relationship and be on the same page as to what each want from the relationship. If someone is holding inside feelings (like you experienced with your couple last year, Emerald), they are going to come out eventually. If someone is wanting just a playtoy, and the person coming in wants a relationship...it isn't going to work and vice versa. I think its also important to listen to the other partners and if you can't give what they are seeking, don't pretend that you can.

That being said...I have found that long term poly relationships *can* work, and seem to work out on some level to the same degree as monogamous relationships.


f


_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/19/2005 9:15:37 PM   
SinTwister


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		We're actively seeking a poly lifestyle as much for me, as him. I had a longtime girlfriend before I married Master. He describes me as a lesbian with hetero tendencies. We know people that have been in long term poly relationships, so we know that it can work. I think the point of failure for most is a lack of clear expectations and open communication in the relationship.

We have rules set up for the situation such as no whispering. Sounds silly, but whispering represents secrets. There are no sexual encounters without the other knowing (that would obviously change with a live in). And the biggest rule....our relationship takes priority over anything else. I am his wife as well as his slave, and I will always have priority over someone else in our relationship. Someone tries to interrupt our marriage and they're gone.

The few short timers we've had, we've enjoyed it immensely.

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/20/2005 6:01:52 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 267
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I would have to agree with the OP in thinking this would be the perfect situation for a female (or male for that matter) bi sub/slave. I understand as one other poster explained that that does not mean that they want relations with just any piece of meat, but in the right situation this could be perceived as ideal. Actually, someone posting their profile stating they are looking specifically for a Dom, for a female, or a Domme, for a male, what is the point of even mentioning they are bi, it is a mute characteristic if they aren't poly. It would seem if they were actually bi, not simply tolerant to the idea, they would actually be seeking a poly environment where they could fulfill all their needs. Concerns over being second fiddle or being the third wheel however have substance. The relationship needs to be built on a firm foundation, with open and honest communication. I don't subscribe to the alpha system with a sub or slave for exactly that reason, they wanted to relinquish control so why force control they don't want back onto them as an alpha. I'm not being critical of those who make this work, just not my (our) style. It's a management thing to make it work, the responsibility of the Dominant(s), not so much the subs or slaves. I guess it may differ somewhat when there is only one Dominant in the household, but the concept to me would be the similar if perhaps not the same. So in reality, is there such a thing as a bi sub/slave who is not open to poly, or is it simply a nice advertising ploy, and if they are not open to poly, aren't they really stating they are open to swinging?

_____________________________

Scooter.....It's not the destination..it's the journey

(in reply to ClassicV)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/20/2005 9:55:37 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
is there such a thing as a bi sub/slave who is not open to poly, or is it simply a nice advertising ploy, and if they are not open to poly, aren't they really stating they are open to swinging?


I don't know where you got this idea that bi = poly???? There are lots of poly people who are heterosexual and homosexual and lots of bi people who are monogamous.

One's sexual orientation has nothing to do with ones relationship orientation.

Knowing that you are sexually attracted to both males and females has NOTHING to do with knowing that you want to form intimate relationships with more than one person at a time.

What brought you to this conclusion that being bi automatically means you want multiple partners?

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/20/2005 5:05:17 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps it was overstated but the logic is there. Bi=2, it is not possible to get 2 with 1. I suppose if one was willing to give up one side of the equation after entering into a relationship, then yes, I would be in error.

edited by Scooter; accidently was logged in under ShiftedJewel's nic.



< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 3/20/2005 5:10:17 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/20/2005 5:15:12 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 267
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Gosh I hate using the same laptop when traveling..the above was my post, not SJ's. Sorry for any confusion.

_____________________________

Scooter.....It's not the destination..it's the journey

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/20/2005 5:16:21 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Perhaps it was overstated but the logic is there. Bi=2, it is not possible to get 2 with 1. I suppose if one was willing to give up one side of the equation after entering into a relationship, then yes, I would be in error.

edited by Scooter; accidently was logged in under ShiftedJewel's nic.



Bi only means attracted to 2 genders, not 2 people. Bi isn't poly any more than hetero is poly.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 3/21/2005 4:10:50 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 267
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Hmmm..OK Emerald, I understand what you are saying, apparently we're not connecting here (tips cap respectfully), I'll just drop it.

_____________________________

Scooter.....It's not the destination..it's the journey

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Bi slaves, and poly lifestyle - 4/6/2005 2:37:38 PM   
SirCumSpank


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Good day.. I like the way that you think. And the responsabillity does belong to the Dom/me
You sound like a good sub ,who has a very good head on her shoulders.




have a great life... SirCumSpank and his .... PS... Congratulations to your new found Master.

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 19
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