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Bah - 9/15/2005 1:00:22 PM

RiotGirl

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There arent many new posts in this section! i keep checking it and checking it. Things to learn, new concepts to grasp... something anything to make understanding easier. Do many experience and up and down with the poly thing? Sometimes i'm okay with it.. and like it alot and other times.. well i'd just like to forget it all exsists. Hmpmh, its gets all confusing in the head. Its like, i like the girl. Have a friendship with her... sort of a big sister thing as it usually is the role i play with other girls. Always been. Its nothing wtih her, and its nothing with Master.. i cant even explain it really. So much floating in my head about it, that putting thoughts together. Bah. Just not handling it well right now, eh suppose i am, just doesnt FEEL like it. i'd like to scream. Make it all stop as its way to complicated to figure out. Some of the "figuring" well i just dont think the path its going to take will be good. Atleast from my POV. Master, he's really good, gives lots of reassurance, helped us girls get together to be friends. He's there every step of the way. i know he wants me to be happy as well.. but see problem is these thoughts wouldnt make HIM happy and well thats poo. He's wanted a poly for so long. Ah geez and stressing over something happening and, yeah i know its like and first poly's dont usually work out.. but it makes HIM happy. i like that. tis the only reason why i even care to try. Never had an interest in poly, dont think i am poly.. ya got the picture. Bah

so like i'd talk to him if i knew what to say and how to say it. anyone else have this problem? Feelings of up and down? How did you handle it, make it go away, and get your head back on right so you felt okay again?

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RE: Bah - 9/15/2005 1:06:49 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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This is still a baby of a relationship between you all. Don't force it, just let the good times flow as they will. The beauty/difficulty of polyamory is forging intimate relationships between each individual person while simultaneously forging a relationship as a group.

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 9/15/2005 1:07:47 PM >

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RE: Bah - 9/15/2005 3:29:04 PM

angel59

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Joined: 9/14/2005
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This is new to me as well and yet I understand the need for Master to be happy. It will always to wonderful and difficult and trying and exciting. We just have to hang in there and know that when our Master is happy, we will be happy as well. Right???

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RE: Bah - 9/15/2005 3:50:11 PM

tazslilbabygirl

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angel59

This is new to me as well and yet I understand the need for Master to be happy. It will always to wonderful and difficult and trying and exciting. We just have to hang in there and know that when our Master is happy, we will be happy as well. Right???

Well, yes and no. In my limited experience ( 6 mos), I found that all parties had to communicate and be satisfied or it'll end. If any one of the three have any issues, they had to be worked out between the two involved, or all three is that is what's needed.

The Taz half of this couple.

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RE: Bah - 9/16/2005 7:23:26 AM

RiotGirl

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Emerald.. i'm doing that.. but its not helping right now. When i sent the girl home she about cried leaving me. i got that down.

Angel.. i agree. Him being happy, makes it all the worthwhile. It gets mixed for me though. As i try, and swallow my issues, making things work, keeping it together, and keeping her together with her issues.. i do it all because i KNOW it makes him happy and i AM happy when he's happy. slightly odd if you ask me. Master being cranky or not in a good mood and my good mood automatically disapears.. no fail.. and if he's in a happy mood.. i cant help but be happy. Slightly odd if you ask me. Anywhoo.. him being happy, has me happy. But still.. there's a swirling in my head and at times i am only partially happy. As if i get stuck in my OWN head...... working on it.

Taz.... i am communicating. Well, i lie, i WAS communicating. i tend to shut down at times. either that or i find something else to focus/ramble on about. But i do communicate with all quite successfully when i do. i speak the same things to both, i keep everything upfront, no he said she said stuff. i dont go through him to talk to her. i solve any problems i have with her, WITH her and the two of us work through them. Same with her. she likes to try and get quiet on me, but i dont let her.

Everything, as you would see it, is going well. EXCEPT for in my head. And i dont particularly know why.

So....... back to the orginal question.

quote:

anyone else have this problem? Feelings of up and down? How did you handle it, make it go away, and get your head back on right so you felt okay again?

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RE: Bah - 9/16/2005 7:30:33 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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My advice remains the same. Your "problem" is simply not something that can be solved, it's something that simply needs to solidify with time and sharing.

Seems like the male in this situation has found himself two females who deal with conflict the same way- shutting down. That's a fun combo.

Let it flow, whether things work or not in the end, it seems like you've got all the ingredients melding well together and just need to give it time to set up and become what it will become.

Don't fight the up and down, just see it for what it is and let it happen.

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RE: Bah - 9/16/2005 7:50:06 AM

OsideGirl

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Em is right. Keep in mind that we are raised in a society that says that poly relationships are not normal. So, that means we have a lot of adjusting to do before we have the abilities to relax and be happy in a poly relationship.

Without open communication misunderstandings abound and resentment flares up.

I absolutely disagree with the "if Master is happy, so am I". You may feel that way now, but eventually your dissatisfaction will breed resentment that will eat its way through the relationship. The way to combat this is to talk about it and work it through.

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RE: Bah - 9/16/2005 2:43:43 PM

RiotGirl

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Well thanks.. but gee.. i just wrote another post. she left. Well is in the process. Well i know you disagree with the "if Master is happy so am i" thing. but its true. i can rarely stay in a bad mood around that man when he is happy and i absolutely can not stay in a good mood when he is not. Being happy doesnt obsolete issues though. i can have issues even if he's happy.

Oh and hey Em.. i've been opening up alot more to him. i was given permission to email him what i thought when i cant get the words out... so i emailed him after i posted that this afternoon. i email him alot lol. Its good, he always reads and then talks to me about it. it sort of, oddly, breaks the ice with the topic for me. Plus then i cant act like its no big deal, as he knows. i can misguide him about howi feel.

Eh

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