Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please

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Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please

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Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 9:42:45 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
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Maybe it is just the profiles that I have seen, but there seems to be important information (at least, to me) that is rarely put in profiles. Usually, the profile are of men who are 40+.

What is your marital status?
Are you divorced, separated, or never been married?
Do you have any kids?

Is it just me, or is it odd to have all sorts of information about someone who is, for example, 46 years old, but you don't know if he's been married 3 times or never been married at all?

One clarifier in the profile would help -- just say if you are divorced or never been married or currently married.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha'sWeb - All original femdom erotica and articles since 1995
http://www.akashaweb.com
AUDIO TRAINING Starts Feb. 22!** Relationship Help

Post #: 1

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 9:52:34 AM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

you bring up a good point..but as I never hide from the lifestyle or my place in it...I don't hide that kind of important information either...I'm not a rare exception..I just think it's a subject most prefer to answer when contacted...you know the ask and I'll tell sort...makes for opening introductions and getting blown out of the water for being deceptive..though I wouldn't think that...(being of the male gender)..but this has been brought to my attention many times...I think like a man..I see nothing wrong...women think like detectives...there's always a motive behind every ommision at the scene of the crime....lol...

Fury

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 10:23:42 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 2933
Status: offline

I agree that the profiles frequently lack some vital information such as marital status.
There was a thread some time back under suggestions for collarme, but many people had many reasons for why standardized checks would not clearly articulate what their status/availability is... I think in the course of normal conversation these things should come out, but I realize that only happens when all the participants are open and honest. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 10:32:37 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I agree that the profiles frequently lack some vital information such as marital status.
There was a thread some time back under suggestions for collarme, but many people had many reasons for why standardized checks would not clearly articulate what their status/availability is... I think in the course of normal conversation these things should come out, but I realize that only happens when all the participants are open and honest. M

Yes. I think that those who are single and available for a relationship, though, would want to put that in their profile if that was their goal. And, to state how long they have been single and what the ex situation is, ie, "Had a 7 year marriage but divorced in 1997."

I know some may want to wait until a conversation to discuss it, but some people might read the profile and not contact them by assuming they are married. At least, that's what I would assume if a guy is 40+ years old and says nothing about marital status at all. If he waits for a woman to contact him and he left it out for a reason, and her first email is "Are you married?" and the rest of the email is just fantastic, it might be hard for him to 'ruin' the potential good start and end it by saying "yeah, but ---". Just to "see what happens" he might be tempted to say "no..."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha'sWeb - All original femdom erotica and articles since 1995
http://www.akashaweb.com
AUDIO TRAINING Starts Feb. 22!** Relationship Help

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 4

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 10:32:40 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

This is true... for the admins, it's probably a question of "okay, this is a good idea, but where should we stop?" The focus of the site is WIITWD, other personal information is something that needs to be volunteered, not required. After all, someone who doesn't freely volunteer their marital status if asked or if important is also someone who would probably lie on the census form anyway.

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 5

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 10:34:37 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav

This is true... for the admins, it's probably a question of "okay, this is a good idea, but where should we stop?" The focus of the site is WIITWD, other personal information is something that needs to be volunteered, not required. After all, someone who doesn't freely volunteer their marital status if asked or if important is also someone who would probably lie on the census form anyway.

They don't even need to make it a question or option on the profile. I think people should put it in their essay part of their profile. Perhaps Collarme could just put a suggestion, "Make sure you include your relationship status" when it's time to start the essay.

To me it seems like one of the most important bits of information, and yet no one seems to include it.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha'sWeb - All original femdom erotica and articles since 1995
http://www.akashaweb.com
AUDIO TRAINING Starts Feb. 22!** Relationship Help

(in reply to Veav)

Post #: 6

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 10:35:48 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Ah, sorry. That I'll agree with.

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Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 11:08:29 AM

ModeratorEleven

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Perhaps Collarme could just put a suggestion, "Make sure you include your relationship status" when it's time to start the essay.

People are welcome to put as much or as little information in to their profiles as they wish. If there is something you would like to know that isn't in someone's profile, ask them.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 11:20:22 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am some ambivalent about this shit. Most profiles are passed by anyway. This is a sex site. I think it all comes out in conversation.

Then on the other hand, it ain't gonna hurt to say that, but that is not gonna slow down the married and fucking around guys at all. Still gotta dig to find out the truth.

In my mind and i think thats in the main, my relationships are personal, and I am gonna get more than passing acquaintance with someone before I start talking about that.

I also agree with the detective thing after a fashion. I say that I have been divorced three times and you think you know something about me.......not at all true.

Ron

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"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 9

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 12:11:25 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 2933
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
some people might read the profile and not contact them by assuming they are married. At least, that's what I would assume if a guy is 40+ years old and says nothing about marital status at all.
Akasha

I don't assume that he's married at all. Actually I always assume that if someone is seeking, that he/she is single, until I read further or speak further with him/her. I also know from experience that isn't the best approach; in fact there is no best approach beyond trully getting to know someone and learning weather he or she is trustworthy. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 12:49:02 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

Gawd..married/lying men (by act or ommission) are the bane of my existence. Yes, after a few convos, etc., i spot many of them, but one guy kept it up for a year. Married men are better-than-average liars out of necessity, so any disclosure on a form or elsewhere won't help. There is no substitute for trusting your instincts and common sense. Only one man succeeded in meeting me for coffee in real life..the rest evidentially were just looking for cyber.

It clearly says in my profile that i don't discuss sex until a threshold level of trust exists...and it also says "no married men". Sticking to the "no sex talk" runs off some, but not all, married/lying men.

When a maried man admits it to me, we might become friends. Liars are shoved out the 'net door to my home on their butts.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/21/2005 12:51:12 PM >

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 1:43:12 PM

krikket

Posts: 380
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

They don't even need to make it a question or option on the profile. I think people should put it in their essay part of their profile. Perhaps Collarme could just put a suggestion, "Make sure you include your relationship status" when it's time to start the essay.

To me it seems like one of the most important bits of information, and yet no one seems to include it.

Akasha

Sometimes i think we're supposed to be either mind readers or have the ability to read between the lines ... which has been know to get me in trouble..lol. It's gotten to the point that when someone says "discrete relationship" required, i read..."MARRIED". Now i know that's not always the case, but it seems to be most times. It's frustrating to be constantly contacted by married men, when i specifically say i'd like to talk with someone who's single, but one thing that on-line has taught me, like nothing else in life has...and that's the ability to say "no thanks"..lol.

At least it's not boring around here and keeps me on my toes. <g>

cheers
jimini

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We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some pretty, some dull, or have weird names, and all are different colors, but all have to learn to live in the same box.

Cor ad cor loquitur (Heart speaks to heart)

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 1:56:07 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 506
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Talbot County, Maryland
Status: offline

I've often wondered why collarme, as a personals site, doesn't have a "fill in" for marital status, yet has other "pertinent" information such as weight, height, etc. It's a bit of information that will definately make or break interest for a lot of people.

That said, I realized that my own profile doesn't indicate I'm single, although it does specify that I look for someone single. I've updated it to rectify that.

However, I don't think it's necessary to explain one's dating/marital history in a profile beyond their current status. My dating history is not for the world at large to know. I'll be happy to discuss it with someone further down the line after we've spoken for a little while. If it really matters to you if someone has children or if they've been divorced 10 times...ask upfront.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."
Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 2:31:32 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

You cant beat plain honest talking and asking questions... For me I'm up front about being married and in a poly relationship. It doesnt take a genius to find out that this is my 4th marriage. heh It took me three to find the right woman. Anyway, for me friendship comes first. if we cant be friends there is no way in hell you will wear any collar of mine. Friendship means a degree of trust and that is what any relationship is about, Honesty, Trust and Friendship... Sure love comes into it but thast too comes in many varied forms... I want to know the person, face to face before I go any further down the road. But hey, When its all said and done, I'll likely end up with someone in my collar or a new friend and that is a win/win situation.. There are a couple of folk here who, if I could get my arse to the US, would probably have a coffee or dinner with me and we'd spend time talking and gaining greater respect for each other and waaddya know? Its likely that a good friendship would have commenced. That is what I'm here for, to talk and listen, learn and maybe impart a little Bearish wisdom. Am I seeking a slave or play partner? Hell yes. Do I expect to find her here? Hell No.

All Is Well In The World

The old man smiles and all is well in the world;
A slave has found her Master;
A subby brat has fond his Mistress;
There is joy; hope and anticipation in new beginnings.

The old man smiles and all is well in the world;
In his mind he hears the thwack of a cane and the thud of a flogger;
A slave cries out on pain and pleasure;
Helpless in her bondage.

The old man smiles and all is well in the world;
He fingers an empty collar without regret;
He remembers the joys of youth;
And feels the pleasure of those memories.

The old man smiles and all is well in the world;
He locks away the items he would have used;
To fill a new collar and train another slave;
Ere age showed him he would never do this again.

The old man smiles and all is well in the world;
He feels no sadness with his realisation
For the ownership of another is for those younger than he.
And he; with his memories of past glory is content.

© Iron Bear 2005

Something I wrote this year when I was asked where I was in the scheme of things

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 3:01:31 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

That said, I realized that my own profile doesn't indicate I'm single, although it does specify that I look for someone single. I've updated it to rectify that.

MsSonnetMarwood

Whoops....runs off to update my profile...ty Ma'am.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 3:03:41 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

There are a couple of folk here who, if I could get my arse to the US, would probably have a coffee or dinner with me and we'd spend time talking and gaining greater respect for each other and waaddya know? Its likely that a good friendship would have commenced.

IronBear

i definately want an invitation to this dinner party!

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 3:05:19 PM

valkyrielover1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/21/2005
Status: offline

I'm a 24 y.o. virgin

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 3:27:43 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

and the inference then is you are not married? consider:

"I can call the ghosties....."

"Aye, but do they come when you call 'em?"

LMAO,
Ron

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to valkyrielover1)

Post #: 18

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 3:52:22 PM

Shayna

Posts: 175
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

I've often wondered why collarme, as a personals site, doesn't have a "fill in" for marital status, yet has other "pertinent" information such as weight, height, etc. It's a bit of information that will definately make or break interest for a lot of people.

YESSSSSS!!!! Drives me nuts. I don't think I've seen another personals site where relationship status isn't one of the primary questions.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 19

RE: Are you a 40 year old virgin? More info, please - 8/21/2005 4:09:26 PM

kc692

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

Welcome, Mod 11!!

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 20

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