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A scoop of vanilla now and then

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A scoop of vanilla now and then

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A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 4:28:46 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

I admit it. Now and then I take on a "vanilla lover". The reason is simple… there are some pretty hot intelligent vanilla men and deep down, I am a woman with needs! I’ve mentioned in other posts how I like my men strong. So yeah, when I go out for a drink after work with the girls and see those swank guys in their Italian suits, Swiss watches, and German sports cars, well groomed and full of power, I think to myself "I want your power". And the times I do get it, even though the sex is relatively vanilla, there is no question in anybody’s mind who is leading the dynamic.

But when I get closer to a man like this and he discovers what I am and what makes me tick, it scares the hell out of them. Maybe it’s part arousal but I think it’s because they can only take it so far.

Anyone else experience similar things?

I know a sub friend of mine who ends up scaring away men away because they are overwhelmed by her need to serve and submit and mistake it for neediness.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

Post #: 1

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 8:26:37 AM

pixieunleashed

Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline

I have just recently sworn off vanilla men, yet one more time this summer. I seem to feel the urge to do the whole romance vanilla thing every now and then and when things get fun, I usually wind up scareing them away with my strange sexual requests.

It's fun for a while (about two weeks) and then I find myself denying my own needs, dealing with jealousies when I want to date someone else, etc. By then end of the month I am supressing myself and my needs and end the relationship by the end of month two.

thank you for reading this, have a great day,

pixie

_____________________________

**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime**

If you understand it.......you've missed the point.

[image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 2

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 9:13:57 AM

newflowers

Posts: 283
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Anyone else experience similar things?

I know a sub friend of mine who ends up scaring away men away because they are overwhelmed by her need to serve and submit and mistake it for neediness.

- LA

I specifically avoid the "vanilla" relationsip thing because I have had this experience too many times. Mistaking serving and submitting for being needy, being called codependent or someone who tries to take advantage because they think/act as if I am weak or stupid - I have learned that this is the kiss of death for me bringing far more problems and trouble than it is worth.

Right now, I am dating an incredible gentleman who, among other wonderful things, kisses like an angel. When I visit, I can go straight to the kitchen and pick up where he left off doing chores and he sits back on the sofa and talks to me while I do whatever needs to be done. We shower and I have the fun of washing and shaving him and he likes it The other day, he let me do a partial pedicure and manicure. Any number of things that I do and he UNDERSTANDS - for instance, in the morning, making the bed is mine, I've learned to make coffee and will get up first (well, I try) to make and serve it in the morning - he understands that it is my need to serve and it is a very good thing.

By allowing me to do these and other things, he is pleased and I am well pleased - actually being spoiled beyong redemption - to go back to that other horror of misunderstanding and the insecurity that results - no way, I definitely take a pass on that.

newflowers

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 3

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 9:46:07 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

I do, Angelika, and there are times when it works out well for that purpose.

quote:

The reason is simple… there are some pretty hot intelligent vanilla men and deep down, I am a woman with needs!

Absolutely! And they enjoy the dance. They can feel our dominance, even though that isn't what it's about. Or is it? We do seek them to fill our needs, when our needs require filling, do we not?

I don't allow them to get close because of the jealousy factor. I am poly, and lifestyle, which offends (some) their delicate sensibilities. I learned a long time ago that while they probably do think it is "cool" and arousing in the moment, it really does scare the bejeezies out of them.

I do have to say though, that I have a lifelong *vanilla* friend that I met just like that, and he asked at that "crucial" moment, "If I have sex with you will I get to see you again?". Brilliant man!!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 4

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 10:40:42 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

Absolutely! And they enjoy the dance. They can feel our dominance, even though that isn't what it's about. Or is it? We do seek them to fill our needs, when our needs require filling, do we not?

I don't allow them to get close because of the jealousy factor. I am poly, and lifestyle, which offends (some) their delicate sensibilities. I learned a long time ago that while they probably do think it is "cool" and arousing in the moment, it really does scare the bejeezies out of them.

That is what I experienced. The bejeezies (huh?) scaring.

The last vanilla man I dated, was May-June of this year. He loved that I was totally in control of my needs in bed and in other areas of my life. Though I think he found that ultimately arousing at first, and that I was different then a lot of the girls he had dated, he got scared eventually because this was not a little role playing game where in the end I would turn around and submit to him who was ultimately be the man. I think the kicker is when the crop whip fell out of my closet. Ooops! The reaction on his face was priceless.

When he broke it off with me, his reason was that I was too intense. Ah well :) it was a fun 2 months!

I don’t know if it could ever work long term with someone who accepted a somewhat poly lifestyle and be my mate while I had a sub. I know one Domme for whom this has been working quite successfully for some time now. In my mind, she has it made.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 8/14/2004 10:41:19 AM >

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 5

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 10:49:49 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

What usually does it in my situations, is when he says, "Who is [name]?", and I say, "That's My business. Is your next question going to be, can you be My business?" with a smile. Run *vanilla* boy, Run!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 6

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 11:00:11 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

Run *vanilla* boy, Run!

I'm picturing the boy runs down a path, shoes in hands, trying to pull his pants up and you standing on your porch with a crop whip in hand while laughing demonically.

I love it!

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 7

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 11:11:07 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

I had his trousers

, and darn it, I forgot the demonic laugh, lol!!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 8

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 2:48:24 PM

Sundew02

Posts: 458
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

I agree that vanilla men are attracted to Dominant women. Some even say they want a woman "who knows her own mind and takes charge". But the reality is they DONT want that type of woman 24/7. They want one who will be able to take care of all the details so they dont have to bother with them. But in the end give up control to them. I don't do vanilla and haven't for mmm about 10 years. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 9

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 2:58:59 PM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundew02

I agree that vanilla men are attracted to Dominant women. Some even say they want a woman "who knows her own mind and takes charge". But the reality is they DONT want that type of woman 24/7. They want one who will be able to take care of all the details so they dont have to bother with them. But in the end give up control to them. I don't do vanilla and haven't for mmm about 10 years. Sundew

Oh yeah, ultimately we hear, "b-b-b-but, I'm the man!" And your point is?

Long term it just doesn't work.

< Message edited by LadyBeckett -- 8/14/2004 2:59:40 PM >

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to Sundew02)

Post #: 10

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 6:27:42 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

Oh yeah, ultimately we hear, "b-b-b-but, I'm the man!" And your point is?

Long term it just doesn't work.

I'm starting to see that... Ah well, it's usually fun while it lasts.

What I find most interesting is that no man, Dom, sub, switch or vanilla, has posted to this thread yet...

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 11

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 6:35:55 PM

Laura

Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I think a scoop of vanilla is different for the men. Women are often pleasers, trying to keep the peace, make sure everyone is well and taken care of. So, finding a vanilla woman to run about and serve their needs isn't tough. Depending on how far she's willing to go his BDSM needs might be just one more thing she does to please him. Does that make her a sub? I think so, even if she never says the word or knows about it.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 12

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 6:55:42 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello,

Well, the problem I have is I dont want to be mollycoddled. I want somebody who will acquiese to my will, but who also enjoys when I make dinner and order her to relax with a glass of wine.

The subs I have had, which is not many, seem to think this is unDomly, and that a True Dominant sits on the couch and has everything handed to them on a silver platter.

I personally dont equate being self-determined, intelligent, and able to manage their own life as antithetical to being a submissive.

Speaking of dinner, I just made a barbequed squash and shrimp and scallops thing which was truly sublime.

Just me, could be wrong (not about dinner, it WAS sublime), but there you go

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 13

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 10:33:00 PM

newflowers

Posts: 283
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

The subs I have had, which is not many, seem to think this is unDomly, and that a True Dominant sits on the couch and has everything handed to them on a silver platter.

And just who's polishing that silver - that was a punishment chore in my home as a child - a terrible job and those trays are heavy.

newflowers

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 14

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/14/2004 11:45:32 PM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I haven't been in a vanilla relationship in quite awhile. Not that there haven't been some temptations, but anything real would have to be in this lifestyle. I do enjoy doing vanilla activities with my slave though. I think it is important to have a blend of both.

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 15

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/15/2004 12:24:53 AM

basiasubrosa

Posts: 130
Joined: 6/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I want somebody who will acquiese to my will, but who also enjoys when I make dinner and order her to relax with a glass of wine.

Sinergy~ will you please please come to grad school with me? <rapid batting of lids over large watery pleading (and sleep deprived) eyes>

quote:

Speaking of dinner, I just made a barbequed squash and shrimp and scallops thing which was truly sublime.

Oops. Forgot you cook meat. O Travesty. <herbivorous pout>

< Message edited by basiasubrosa -- 8/15/2004 12:37:19 AM >

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 16

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/15/2004 12:46:36 AM

MrThorns

Posts: 801
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I think BDSM has ruined me for any form of vanilla relationship and or sexual contact. I can't imagine seeing a woman's hair and not grabbing hold of it....nor seeing her nice round...and...GASP...unmarked ass... without taking a few swats.

I'm hooked and am not going back.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to basiasubrosa)

Post #: 17

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/15/2004 2:10:17 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I avoid dating vanilla men.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 18

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/15/2004 7:47:30 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu
I avoid dating vanilla men.

And vanilla women?

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 19

RE: A scoop of vanilla now and then - 8/15/2004 7:58:16 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

Hello,

Well, the problem I have is I dont want to be mollycoddled. I want somebody who will acquiese to my will, but who also enjoys when I make dinner and order her to relax with a glass of wine.

The subs I have had, which is not many, seem to think this is unDomly, and that a True Dominant sits on the couch and has everything handed to them on a silver platter.

I personally dont equate being self-determined, intelligent, and able to manage their own life as antithetical to being a submissive.

My sub girl cannot cook. She said she is coping with making toast at the moment. Actually, she is making great attempts as she wants to cook me dinner soon so she is learning.

Every Sunday night for the past few weeks since we have been seeing each other, she has come over to a wonderful dinner (like Sinergy I boast of being a fantastic chef). I love doing that for her. Cooking is an immense pleasure for me and she appreciates it.

I don’t see this as reverting back to vanilla activities neither.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I do enjoy doing vanilla activities with my slave though. I think it is important to have a blend of both.

Are they really vanilla? To me vanilla isn’t an act, it’s a state of mind.

To quote a wise man, just me, I could be wrong…

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 20

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