cravinspankin
Posts: 96
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
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I want to thank each and every one of you who responded to my earlier post.
I had actually already given him an answer when i posted this to a yahoo group I'm in, and then decided to post it here.
I did so, because i thought it was an important topic of discussion, particularly for any new, inexperienced Doms or subs who may be reading.
You all brought up some wondeful points and issues to consider.
Below, you will find my response to him... and what he had to say in return when i told him NO.
I DID tell him NO, for several reasons.
I am still relatively new to the lifestyle, but have been fortunate to come to know several Doms and Dommes, who have given me the honor of bottoming with them from time to time. I also have done a great deal of research on the lifestyle, including lots and lots of reading, and a great deal of talking with experienced Doms and subs, both.
So... while i long for a Dom to serve, I am in no way desperate for a Dom's attention, and in no way will I ever risk my own health and safety to get that kind of attention.
Among the reasons i said no:
1. I do not know him. We had had one talk on the phone, after a couple very brief E-mail exchanges. That didn't give me enough of a feel for him and his personality to agree to meet privately.
2. He indicated that only if I agreed to this meeting would we talk further. That indicates he has no respect for any concerns I may have, and also indicates that he probably has bad intentions.
3. I had already told him that I was interested in bondage, but had never done it, and that that is something that would take a great deal of trust in someone to agree to, which takes time. He chose to ignore that. Big red flag for me. If he ignored that, he might possible ignore safe words which, by the way, were never discussed.
There are other reasons as well, but those are the primary ones.
I posted his request for me to meet him.
The following is my response to him, again, it was an immediate decision.
Afterward, you will find what he had to say to me in return.
(me)
> Wow.
> i'm a little stunned.
> i really liked you when we talked yesterday. You seemed different from most Doms/Masters that I've talked to, in a very good way. We seemed to want much of the same out of the lifestyle.
> However.... I can't believe that a Dom with any experience at all would insist that the very first meeting be at his place and include bondage and play.
> I may be new to the lifestyle.. but I'm well versed in safety issues.
> There's no way I'd meet a Dom for the first time under those circumstances.
> I haven't ever even tried bondage.. i've said it's something i'm very interested in, BUT something i would have to have real trust in a Dom to allow that.
> There's no way i can have enough trust in ANY Dom on the first meeting to consent to that.
> Also... I am now under the protection of MsDawn, and she does not allow me to play any longer with Anyone until she has talked to them and checked their references... I am ever vigilant about my own safety these days.
> Quite honestly, I read your message twice and both times thought, *DANGER*
> I seek a Dom, yes, even a Master... but i also seek a man of integrity and one i can trust completely.
> If you are a man of integrity, you will understand my concerns.
> regards
> Steph
HIM
> you are one sick puppy...not only to you have a serious defect ...you are bi...not only are you fat as hell and my dog is more attractive..your a idiotic...take care and hope we never meet...Jim---------------------------------------------------
NOTE: the defect he referred to is a medical condition that I told him about, which most people will never notice, but which i felt any Dom should know about, because sometimes it does affect their decision to pursue a relationship. i care not to reveal what that is here, but knew the question regarding "defect" would come up.
Also.... the bi issue. LOL.. I cracked up at that. I told him i was bicurious but had never done that.
Anyway... Thank you all again, truly, for your responses and concern. I hoped that today we helped maybe 1 inexperienced Dom or 1 experienced sub consider some of these issues when deciding to meet someone.
Many hugs to all
cravin
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1st meeting with Dom - My answer to him - 
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