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"Under Consideration" - 9/21/2005 11:05:36 PM

Darkfall

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

Has this happened to you?

Every now and then, while I'm browsing profiles, I see someone who has put on their profile that they are "under consideration". Now, obviously, being that I've been around for a while, I know what that means - but does it strike anyone else as the poor person who is "under consideration" is being mislead?

I'll tell you what I think when I see that. It strikes me as some dominant telling some poor new submissive, "I _think_ I might like you, but I don't want to commit to you exclusively - so, I'm going to tell you to put 'under consideration' on your profile so you other dominants feel warned off and so I don't have to worry about you talking to anyone else...Buuut, at the same time, I'll still be free to run around and hit on everyone else, because I'm not sure what the hell I want."

It all seems a little silly. Why do people accept such nonsense? Maybe it's because they're new. Everytime I see "under consideration" on someone's profile, their profile also mentions they're new to the lifestyle. Is it really necessary for others to take advantage of someone's new status like that, and lead them to believe they have something good going on, when in fact they have nothing? In fact, they have less than nothing. Now they're indirectly locked down to someone who isn't stepping up to the plate like they should.

Come on, people. Let's be real...If you're interested in someone, then show it. Talk to them, get to know them, and if it clicks and you find each other interesting, then do something real about it. Until then, everyone's free to talk to whoever they want and explore other avenues until something real emerges. Don't do this wishy-washy "under consideration" garbage. No one is fooled - least of all the people who have been around the block and has seen this stuff far too many times over many years.

...Darkfall

Post #: 1

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/21/2005 11:23:28 PM

Phoenxx

Posts: 246
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Winnipeg
Status: offline

Hey Darkfall,
Sometimes I think your right. But I have also thought that it's a bit like an engagement. Or like buying that first drink in a bar…
Personally, I would think that putting it in your journal would be a better place. But seeing as how so few people read them.. or the full ad, who knows?
How does one let everyone else know that they are looking at a relationship, and not to message them with lines like “I’m the one for you slave” or the classic “on your knees and worship me…”
Under consideration may be a nice way of saying HNG’s and Troll bugger off LOL
And if it fails… hey you can take it off and it’s back to business.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s not a way to get more attention. Like a wedding ring will get a man more attention in a bar. The idea that someone else wants them makes them more attractive.
Tony

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 2

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 12:29:24 AM

Padriag

Posts: 700
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: NC, USA
Status: offline

Ayup, I feel pretty much the same Darkfall. But lets face it, most of these "doms" who pounce on those new and inexperienced with their handy dandy velcro collars of consideration are better called something else... the word "predator" comes to mind... except I wouldn't want to insult predators. The funny part though is when that "new an inexperiened" sub turns out to be anything but what they claim and it becomes a game of watching the players play each other until one or the other comes out on top.

Folks need to slow down just a tad, not rush into things. And even as I say that I know I'm wasting my breath saying it because very, very few will listen. We live in a society that gets impatient waiting on a microwave oven... asking most folks to slow down with relationships is a lost cause.

quote:

How does one let everyone else know that they are looking at a relationship, and not to message them with lines like “I’m the one for you slave” or the classic “on your knees and worship me…”
Under consideration may be a nice way of saying HNG’s and Troll bugger off LOL

Its not complicated... first... nobody should use lines like that in the first place an no sub, new or not should accept it. The trolls an HNG won't bugger off no matter what you put in a profile, or haven't you been reading the other rants in recent threads. Married women, collared by their husbands get plenty of emails from other doms who want them to "consider" them. Trolls are not intelligent life forms... even if they can type.

The fact is, Darkfall had it right, if you want to make a commitment then do something real about it... make a real commitment of some kind. What form that takes is up to you. Advertising it won't make any difference, it won't ward off the trolls an HNGs and those of us inclined to respect others relationships can be warned off with a simple polite word or three. But what does make the difference is the commitment you make between yourselves, if that's real then who you talk to, or what others do won't matter.

When you have someone you can trust, someone you know is committed to you, there's a security and peace of mind in that nothing else can take the place of. We can symbolize it with wedding rings, collars, ceremonies, rituals, and warning signs in profiles... but the fact is that all that is meaningless if there isn't a real commitment beneath it all. And if you have that, the rest isn't necessary.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

http://www.bardicheart.com

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 3

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 3:02:33 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

The consideration thing is weird, or at least my one experience with it was. After a few pm's and a few more emails, I was offered a "collar of consideration". It was described to me as an "opportunity to demonstrate my submission". Oh, did I forget to mention that fact that this Dom was a complete stranger to me and wasn't ready to share a picture of himself? So, it left a bad taste in my mouth. And it got worse when I explained to him that I wasn't ready to submit to him in any form, as I didn't know him. I'm sure there are more serious forms of "consideration", but my experience was cyber weird.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 4

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 3:08:16 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 654
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

i believe myself , that ideally there are a few different types of collars( although with my Former Master i was given one). Some like the idea of a collar of consideration, as to get to know the person( but a cyber one is absurd) , Im talking R/t here!!! then comes the training collar once you both know that its right, Then finally "the " perminant collar(almost like marriage) . It works , but how do you place a cyber collar of consideration on someone....beats me!!!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 5

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 4:22:02 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

I do find it funny, but YIOK is a good rule for me to live with.

One other possibility may be, for some people, it's a way of saying "I've met someone and I'd like to concentrate on him or her for a bit without distractions."

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 6

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 4:31:13 AM

Focus50

Posts: 423
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

I usually think it's some poor newbie sub who's come under the influence of a wannabe moreso than a "real" Dom. Seems the wannabes have a knack of getting to the inexperienced first.

The thing with newbies is that the physical side of BDSM is usually what's initially so attractive to them and what sometimes leads them into nasty situations. And the one thing wannabes do seem to have a gift for is "talking the talk" - even if it's only at the keyboard and in the comfort of their own home! And none of that sincerity "nonsense" to complicate matters....

Focus51.

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 7

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 5:06:36 AM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I'm pretty much of the same mind as the rest of you here. But John has a point. Logically, it will depend on a case by case, person by person basis. I have far more respect for Collars of Concideration, Protection Collars and Training Collars of the physical variety. I just dont use them at all and only have two collars. If I am considering you or you are in basic training, you will be in my House Collar. You just have to be damned good before you get my Personal Collar. (Thats the serious shit end of the spectrum in my book). Online collars are just that and far to often are as flimsy as dunney paper. Real phycial collars are worthy of respect. (Which does not say I disrespect on line or cyber collars, if the girl is happy with it then so be it).

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 8

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 5:08:05 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As I've said in other threads on the same topic, in theory, the "in consideration" idea should be ideal. After all, that's just what dating is, considering the situation and deciding if you want to go further. Ideally, everyone involved is going through the same process.

What ACTUALLY ends up happening however is a sub falling head over heels and a dom dangling her around so that he can have the benefits without the responsibilities under the guise of HER just being under consideration (with an often untold threat of...do it right or you'll lose the best thing in your life right now)

But, as usual, we can't just say "Bad dom!" The subs are just as fully into this concept as the doms are, they agreed to be "under consideration" and I've seen more than a handful shout out to the world that they are being considered by Dom LordlyDom so their life is wonderful and you better watch your step!

I think there's a lot of factors that go into that, naivete, illusions of romance, insecurity, the social pressure to BE in a relationship rather than be comfortable single, and other things. But, everyone who chooses to get involved in this concept is doing it of their own desires, so let them to it.

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 9

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 5:35:35 AM

Quivver

Posts: 664
Joined: 11/27/2004
From: Rural OZ
Status: offline

Guilty . . . I just changed my Journal to say just that in HOPES of slowing down the flow of illiterate wanna be's. Thing is, and this is somewhat of a twist on Collars of Consideration,
mine was *offered* to me with it being My consideration of Him rather then the more traditional stance.

Q

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 5:35:55 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Dom LordlyDom

smile!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 11

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 5:38:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I just changed my Journal to say just that in HOPES of slowing down the flow of illiterate wanna be's

Good luck with that, many just do not get it.

Hi ya!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 6:38:46 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Darkfall<<

"I" have been under consideration several times. it meansd i am talking to 'a' domme i am interested in.

that is how i met the Ms i am with now.

i understand Your views.....but ---some --- of us --- are not feeling we are being fooled.

wolfie

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 9/22/2005 6:39:41 AM >

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 13

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 8:20:35 AM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

Good post. I've often had the same thoughts.
First I question the rational of any submissive who would add this to their profile.
One would think that a submissive would see the anomaly. A dominant by my diffention is not insecure, and any "dominant" who would require a submissive to use this phrase demonstrates a lack of self confidence. This "under consideration" smacks of self -doubting, timid and apprehension on the part of the dominant. Does the "under consideration" submissive not think that they may be dealing with a jealous partner choice?
Albeit not entirely the same, the profiles which state every so clearly that " my dom forbids me to talk to other dominants" also exhibit an insecurity. If you want to own someone, something, set it free, if it comes back...

For any submissive who would consider using these words, are you willing to submit to someone who claims to be Dominant but lacks confidence?

Sartoris

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 14

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 9:14:31 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I agree with Emerald that the "Under Consideration" collar has a place....in a high protocol, real life situation. The on-line ones generally crack me up, especially those offered in a chat room between a Dom and Sub within a period of a few minutes!!! But, in all fairness, the on-line sub often snaps that cyber collar on so fast it makes your head spin. LOL....whatever works for them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Dom LordlyDom

ROFLMAO

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 15

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 9:18:14 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

Interesting posts, and I must admt in the past I tended to see these collers of consideration more with the male subs and female Dommes but it seems to be coming in more and more with the other mix. For me personaly when I was looking for a sub, I would meet with her, talk with her, then make up my mind if I want to take her as a sub. But I have always made it clear they were my uncollared sub, and it could take a long time to earn the collar. I have only ever collered a few, guess I am just a difficult person.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 9/22/2005 9:48:56 AM >

(in reply to Sartoris32801)

Post #: 16

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 9:23:24 AM

TNMaster

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

The thing that concerns me about such things is that as I read this - KatyLied stated

quote:

So, it left a bad taste in my mouth

.

As some of these submissives are coming into the world - this may be thier first experience with BDSM - and I do not want to see these people turned away from what may be what they have been searching for.

My advice to new submissives is - if you don't know them - don't take any "collars"
Just like you wouldn't take candy from a stranger.

Don't change who you are, your profile or anything else for a stranger. You change yourself once you have found the right one.

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 17

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 10:15:34 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

From WickedKev

quote:

I have always made it clear they were my uncollared sub, and it could take a long time to earn the collar. I have only ever collered a few, guess I am just a difficult person.

Not difficult, just reasonable. What sub would want a collar from a Dom who will put one on anything that moves? I'd like to think (as I've never been collared) that it is something very special, with a lot of thought and feeling and meaning behind it, and not something given out lightly. But maybe I am just a difficult person.

(in reply to TNMaster)

Post #: 18

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 10:38:19 AM

happypervert

Posts: 862
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

I think it makes a bit of sense in defining the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship. So I can almost understand how folks who are into formality and ritual might like it.

However, I think it is inherently dopey because it implies that the sub is the only one under consideration and must prove herself "worthy". UGH! That should be a two way street. So to me the term does sort of reek of desperation or gullibility on the sub's part.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 9/22/2005 10:42:17 AM >

_____________________________

I like kitty cats

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 19

RE: "Under Consideration" - 9/22/2005 2:55:32 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

We state up front who and what we are--AND we tell those who are looking that there will be a period of time where we evaluate one another for fit. These individuals occasionally ask if they can put in their own profiles that they are "under consideration" by House Bladewing. We're perfectly comfortable with that, and for the ones who -do- ask that, it is usually because they are proud and happy of the fact that they've gotten through the initial interview process, that -we've- passed their initial screening, and that we're all actively looking at whether or not the situation will work.

Our servants who are under consideration are no less important to us than those who have been contracted to our House. With the impending storm, it was not just our dedicated servants who were checked on, sheltered, and whom we made sure would be safe, fed, dry, and watered during the onslaught, but also those who were under consideration (as well as the -families- and all of those whom the ones we are considering hold dear, whether it be child, mate or beloved pet.) The same has held true for the Guides under consideration with us in previous situations like this one--and despite us needing to get our own house in order to prepare for the coming storm.

(Enjoying a last few hours online before Hurricane Rita falls upon us and devours us--at least for a little while.)

Lady Zephyr
--
"Ridin' the Storm Out..." REO Speedwagon

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfall

Has this happened to you?

Every now and then, while I'm browsing profiles, I see someone who has put on their profile that they are "under consideration". Now, obviously, being that I've been around for a while, I know what that means - but does it strike anyone else as the poor person who is "under consideration" is being mislead?

(in reply to Darkfall)

Post #: 20

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